The Green Stem with the Red Flower

Let your child make mistakes. Let them color how they like it and draw their imaginations the way they see it. Let the sky be yellow and the trees blue with violet fruits and flowers. Don’t curb their thoughts and ideas yet. Don’t teach them ‘how’ to do it. Let them explore and learn on their own. Guide but don’t preach. Every flower is beautiful and so is every child.

The piece below depicts it wonderfully.

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“Once a little boy went to school.

 One morning   The teacher said: "Today we are going to make a picture."

"Good!" thought the little boy.   He liked to make all kinds;   Lions and tigers, Chickens and cows, Trains and boats; And he took out his box of crayons And began to draw.

But the teacher said, "Wait!" "It is not time to begin!" And she waited until everyone looked ready.   "Now," said the teacher, "We are going to make flowers."

"Good!" thought the little boy, He liked to make beautiful ones With his pink and orange and blue crayons.  

But the teacher said "Wait!" "And I will show you how." And it was red, with a green stem. "There," said the teacher, "Now you may begin."  

The little boy looked at his teacher's flower Then he looked at his own flower. He liked his flower better than the teacher's But he did not say this. He just turned his paper over, And made a flower like the teacher's. It was red, with a green stem.  

On another day The teacher said: "Today we are going to make something with clay."

 "Good!" thought the little boy; He liked clay. He could make all kinds of things with clay: Snakes and snowmen, Elephants and mice, Cars and trucks And he began to pull and pinch His ball of clay.  

But the teacher said, "Wait!" "It is not time to begin!" And she waited until everyone looked ready.   "Now," said the teacher, "We are going to make a dish."

 "Good!" thought the little boy, He liked to make dishes. And he began to make some That were all shapes and sizes.   But the teacher said "Wait!" "And I will show you how." And she showed everyone how to make One deep dish. "There," said the teacher, "Now you may begin."  

The little boy looked at the teacher's dish; Then he looked at his own. He liked his better than the teacher's But he did not say this. He just rolled his clay into a big ball again And made a dish like the teacher's. It was a deep dish.  

And pretty soon The little boy learned to wait, And to watch And to make things just like the teacher. And pretty soon He didn't make things of his own anymore.

 Then it happened That the little boy and his family Moved to another house, In another city, And the little boy Had to go to another school.  

The teacher said: "Today we are going to make a picture." "Good!" thought the little boy. And he waited for the teacher To tell what to do.

the teacher didn't say anything. She just walked around the room.   When she came to the little boy She asked, "Don't you want to make a picture?" "Yes," said the little boy. "What are we going to make?" "I don't know until you make it," said the teacher.

 "How shall I make it?" asked the little boy. "Why, anyway you like," said the teacher. "And any color?" asked the little boy. "Any color," said the teacher.

 And he began to make a red flower with a green stem. “

~Helen Buckley, The Little Boy (HT Amanda White)

The Wicked Mommy

Prabir’s grandma gave him some money with which he wanted to buy a remote control transformer car. 

1. I told him the amount was 300 (though it was more), so he selected a car for 299.

2. The car is to arrive today, so he woke up on my first call this morning. He had his bath, breakfast etc on time (for the first time since his vacation started!!)

3. While waiting for the delivery, he’s completed his holiday funsheets (finally!!) and his Mumma even gave him a little dictation on English and Hindi alphabet and numbers

4. He’s been listening to every thing being said to/ asked off of him! 

By the way, the car was delivered early morning today. This wicked Mumma has half a mind to tell him the delivery has been postponed to tomorrow. After all, I’d love to see my boy so obedient and diligent for a day more!

Am I a very wicked mommy? 😈😈

The 'Me' in My Child

We were in the last leg of our Founders' Day celebration rehearsals with every move being perfected by our coaches. Mr. Colvin stood at the railing above the ground while Mr. Hatwal was giving us the beats on the drum. One slight wrong or fidget move meant being called out by Mr. Colvin. He was at quite a distance and I was intrigued how he could observe something as little as a twitch from that far away. Curiosity did get the better of me and I tucked a little stray strand of hair behind the ear, very intentionally, but ever so discreetly. Within fraction of a second, I was called out!

A couple of decades down to last evening. Prabir, my 5 year old, is down with seasonal cold and cough and I measured and kept the syrups in the caps front of him, asking him to drink them up while I went to put away the medicines. On turning, I see him pouring water from his cup in the caps, as the mix of the syrups and water flowed generously all over the table. I. Was.  Furious! In moments like these, I have to remind myself all the tenets of gentle parenting. For scream I will, though I know it isn't what I am supposed to do. 

Meanwhile, Prabir knew he'd triggered the monster in his mother and looked up sheepishly. But then, I saw something more than just guilt in those eyes. That look in those eyes belonged to the younger me, the one I would have had in those moments when I defied rules and instructions just to know the "what if"! I saw the same streak in my son, that curiosity to know "what if"! I quietly threw away the water and repoured the medicines in the cap, wiped the table and asked Prabir to drink it up, in as calm a tone as I could manage.

This isn't a one-off incident. As he is growing and realizing that he has a mind of his own, he's even more curious, intrigued, impatient, angrier et all. And I'm fumbling. Because I know now what exactly I am dealing with here and it's not going to be easy. With both of my parents gone to the better world a long time ago, I have no references to look up or speak to. 

However, there's one thing here I know and am sure of. I know exactly how he feels and what must be going on in his mind when he behaves this way. Because I know how the younger me felt and what went on in my mind then. I was reprimanded, scolded, and even caned more than a few times when I tried to know the "what ifs" then. And then I hid stuff. I hid incidents. I hid myself. Because I was scared. Scared of being told off. Scared of being scolded. Scared of being punished.

So, I know exactly what I SHOULD NOT do. 

Yes, there will be times when the human in me will get a better off of the patient mother I try to be. There will be times when I will question my gentle parenting approach. There will be moments (and there are plenty!) when I would want to bang my head on the nearest wall.

But after such difficult moments pass, I know that I won't have regrets. I'd know that I have done the best I could. And I'd be a much more thankful to my little one, who shows me the mirror every single day.

After all, I am just another human. And a mother.