The Wicked Mommy

Prabir’s grandma gave him some money with which he wanted to buy a remote control transformer car. 

1. I told him the amount was 300 (though it was more), so he selected a car for 299.

2. The car is to arrive today, so he woke up on my first call this morning. He had his bath, breakfast etc on time (for the first time since his vacation started!!)

3. While waiting for the delivery, he’s completed his holiday funsheets (finally!!) and his Mumma even gave him a little dictation on English and Hindi alphabet and numbers

4. He’s been listening to every thing being said to/ asked off of him! 

By the way, the car was delivered early morning today. This wicked Mumma has half a mind to tell him the delivery has been postponed to tomorrow. After all, I’d love to see my boy so obedient and diligent for a day more!

Am I a very wicked mommy? 😈😈

Happy 5th Birthday, Our Little Sunshine

When it was just him and me

We never knew our hearts could contain

So much more love and dreams

Until you came!

And now...

When you turn and smile

And in your own way, you tell me

Things are just going to be okay

I see a little bit of him in you...

When you rattle off numbers and days

And memories from years gone by

Of when you were even more little

I see a little bit of me in you....

When you keep your calm

In the midst of chaos, and

Give me a solution I just couldn’t figure 

I see a little bit of him in you...

When you come crying

Because you couldn’t find a toy 

In the place it’s meant to be

I see a little bit of me in you...

When you outwit me 

With a matter-of-fact statement

And say it all with a straight face

I see a little bit of him in you...

When you widen your eyes 

With expressions and gestures so dramatic 

And yet so natural 

I see a little bit of me in you...

When you roll your eyes 

And clinch your teeth

To express your anger and yet contain it

I see a little bit of me in you...

You’re a bit of him and me 

But more of your unique self in every way

You’re every dream we’ve ever seen

The answer to all our prayers

As you’re growing by leaps and bounds

We too are growing with you every day

You’ve made us not only mumma and dadda 

But better humans in every way.

May you grow up to be a beautiful person

And flourish in all that your heart desires 

Flying and yet grounded to your roots

Spreading love and sunshine everywhere.

Happy 5th Birthday, our little Sunshine.

Mumma and Dadda love you the most ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Raising Prabir - Humour All the Way

We had gone to see my skin specialist this Tuesday. The clinic is quite a distance from here and I was using the GPS on our way back.

At a point, the GPS voice-over said, "After 200 meters, make a U-turn."

Prabir immediately responded, "GPS Aunty, 'Take a U-turn. We need not 'make' a U-turn. It is already there!"

And like every other time, he had his Mumma almost rolling over laughing while driving. Dangerous...aint it! 

Raising Prabir - A Proud Moment

Last week, I needed to visit a bank branch. Usually, I run such errands when Prabir is in school; however, with vacations on, he went with me.

Now, we mommies tend to carry an entire pantry in our handbags because no matter when, the kids will get hungry once they are out of the house, even if they've just had their meal. So, while I was talking to the bank executive, came a very familiar hunger call from behind me. I quickly handed Prabir a little tiffin of snacks and he took a chair and began eating.

And then suddenly, out of nowhere, there was this little smashing sound along with a little cry. The entire tiffin was on the floor with the snack all over while Prabir stood frozen. Immediately, the executive I was speaking to told us not to worry as he'd get someone to clean it up. I went on to pick a little out of the way. By then though, my little boy was down on his knees, picking up each bit in his little hands. He then asked the executive where the dustbin was. The executive pulled back his chair back and moved the dustbin towards Prabir, who went on to pick every bit from the floor and put it in the dustbin.

All this while, the others in the bank, including the bank manager were watching Prabir. And I, a very proud mother, stood there smiling with a little lump in my throat. I, somehow, remembered to capture the moment much later. And I'm so glad I was able to.

It's these little moments that make it all so worth it. They reassure me that I'm doing something right somewhere. And they make me so so proud to be the mother of this wonderful boy!

In the picture is Prabir putting the last bit in the dustbin.

Raising Prabir- Humour Amid Chaos!

We were stuck in the (in)famous Delhi rain traffic jam, trying to look for a way out, exasperated. Just then, the title song from the Dhoni biopic started playing.

Puzzled, Prabir asks, "Mumma, har gali mein Dhoni hai! Dhoni toh ek hi gali mein ho sakta hai... hai na?"

And we all burst out laughing.

There's life in every moment... even in the middle of a pathetic traffic jam. And we adults tend to take life too seriously. Just a little reminder to laugh more, enjoy the rains, hum along with the music and live a little more :)

Lessons from My Life

I was never a brilliant student, going by the academic standards set by our system. Though I did fare a little above the average usually, it was never good enough, neither for my parents nor the teachers. I still have a few of my report cards and the remarks have been consistently similar through the years - Neha is a bright child but needs to focus more and can do much better.

Though there were things I happened to be naturally good at, like sports, public speaking and even a bit of dramatics etc. Yet, it was never good enough. If I participated in a competition (and I participated in most of them!), it was expected of me to win. A second position or (God forbid!) a third meant failure. It had to be No. 1 or nothing at all.

And it was this incessant pressure to excel and win that broke me on those several occasions when I didn't get the top spot. Most of the times, the sheer fun and enthusiasm involved in participating was crushed with that pressure. And often, I had cold feet, numb fingers and a dry throat just before my turn at the mike or before aiming a basketball during a high intensity match. And I'd fail! It wasn't nervousness as much as it was the fear of failure and the consequent rejection I knew I'd face. Like every child, I wanted to feel loved and make my family and teachers proud of me. Yet, more often than not, I felt helpless and gave in to mindless self blaming and even guilt.

Today, as I look back at those times as a mother myself, I understand better as to why I was expected to excel in all. And that my parents did just what most parents do - make me fall in line and adhere to the standards set up by our education system and society. For it is, sadly, only the academic brilliance that is still noted and encouraged. Creativity and professions related to it weren't and still aren't given their due. Children are still measured by the digits they are able to rake up in the report cards through rote learning, which make or break a child's career as well as confidence.

My professors in college wanted me to prepare and sit for civil examinations. They'd tell me about the greener pastures in the IAS part of the world. When I defied them and took up a course in mass communication instead, most thought I'd lost my mind. That was over a decade ago. And even after so many years of work experience, I still am in the process of finding a profession or work I can give my heart and soul to.

Would that mean I've lost out because I didn't follow the norms or the herd? No. Instead, I've learned and grown. I've tested more waters than many others would have. I've failed and succeeded and learned a lot in that process. I've known hard work and most importantly, I've followed my heart. And that makes me happy.

As a mother, I pray that I don't get influenced by social and academic pressures as my parents did. While I'd want my son to excel, it shouldn't be at the cost of his confidence or never should he feel the need to excel to rise in my eyes. I want him to know that coming second, or even third, isn't a failure. There's just one top spot out there and it goes to the one who performs the best on a given day. And that doesn't mean that others weren't good. It's what he learns in the process which is important. Success doesn't necessarily imply self worth, for a child is much more than the medals and trophies (s)he brings home. I want him to know that his mother will stand by him through his failures and achievements and that she'll have his back always. 

For that's all I needed as a child and I know that's all my son would ask of his mother, in words or in deeds. And for that, I'm prepared.

Raising Prabir - A beautiful morning

Our househelp took a break from mopping the floor to have a cup of tea. While she stood with her cup near the kitchen door,  Prabir rushed to his room. He emerged with a little stool and kept it near her, asking her to sit.

Sitting at the dining table, sipping my coffee and simply taking in what just happened, I smiled as my eyes welled up. There's something somewhere I did do right as his mother.

Teaching about Good and Bad Touch & How to say NO!

We, Prabir and I, were at a store looking at backpacks. While I was busy looking at the designs being shown by a salesman, Prabir was exploring the suitcases and bags kept nearby.

Suddenly, I heard Prabir say 'NO' pretty loudly. I turned towards him and he told me that the uncle was touching his cheeks and so he said 'No'. I immediately asked the salesman not to do it and picked Prabir and made him sit near me. Meanwhile, I also told him that he did a good job saying 'No' to that uncle.

If you ask me, I am a very proud mother since this incident. And I am happy that my son knows that he can say 'No' and that it's alright and that we have his back always.

This incident has also reaffirmed my belief that it is never too soon or early to teach a child about good touch and bad touch. I have always taught him the real names of all his body parts and keep telling him what is good touch and what is not and what he needs to do if anyone touches him where he doesn't like or any other place. We also have a little quiz session time to time where he asks me as to who all can touch or kiss him and I tell him a yes or a no plainly.

Call me paranoid, but I know that I cannot be with my son 24*7 always. I know that he will have to go out and meet new people and not everyone will be good, so to say. And I know that if my son knows how to deal with such situations, I will have to worry a little less probably.

On the other hand, I also do not like complete strangers pulling his cheeks and neither does he. Saying no to them probably sounds rude, but I'd rather be rude than polite at the cost of the comfort of my little one. Better still, I carry him. So, the closer he is to me, lesser chances of strangers walking up to harass him (Yes, I call this harassment! Would an adult like getting their cheeks pulled by a stranger? No. Then why a little child who can barely express their likes and dislikes?)

So, yes, when my son stood up for himself and said "No", all at 2.5 years of age, I was a happy mother. And I know that all those conversations between us, mostly one-sided, have been of use.

So, all parents reading this, teach your little ones about their bodies with the real names. Tell them about good and bad touch and teach them how to say No. Most importantly, respect them for saying it and listen to them.

It is one of the biggest life lessons we need to teach and learn too :)

Working Parents' Dilemma - Who to Leave The Little One with?

When I quit my full time job, over four year ago, everyone had some advice for me. No, no baby was on the cards then and I had done it simply because I felt it was time to test new waters and tread forbidden paths. Of course, none of that was possible without the support of my husband, who stood by my decision.

Meanwhile, I completed another Post Graduation course and started a little venture in writing. At any given day, I was working at least 10-12 hours. Work flourished and time flew. Almost 2 years later, we were blessed with Prabir. However, I continued working. I have changed gears since and started another retail venture too. Yet, my primary responsibility is my son, with whom I stay 24x7.

While, I have the luxury to stay at home, look after my son and work as well, many others do not. After a stipulated maternity break, most have to join back work. You are ridden with fear, guilt and may be remorse. Yet, quitting your job may not be an option for various reasons.

To say that working mothers are not involved with their children completely would be unfair. I have seen mothers, and fathers, keeping a check on their children while at work. They ensure their children eat and sleep on time and even take leaves to be with them during exams etc.

With nuclear families on the rise, the most worrisome issue that remains is who to leave the child with, when you have to join back. A friend had asked me to venture on this topic a couple of months back. And after a lot of reading and discussions with friends in different situations, here is what I could come up with.

The options are immense:

• With either grandparent(s)
• At home, with a full time maid/nanny
• Enrol in a creche or daycare

Each one comes with their pros and cons.

• With grandparents

PROS:

1. Your child is in loving and caring hands.
2. You can be rest assured they are fed well and a routine is followed.
3. This also ensures a lot of quality time as children learn from their grandparents.
4. It is financially beneficial too.

CONS

1. Generation gap 
2. Difference in parenting styles may lead to stress and conflict.
3. Over-caring attitude may lead to discipline issues later.
4. The child may be plonked in front of the TV, longer that you'd like.
5. They may not have the energy and stamina to take care of a growing toddler.

What you can do:

1. Have an open discussion before you embark on this arrangement on what is okay. Sleep schedule, food menu etc can be given in written so that there's no confusion.
2. Grandparents love pampering and feeding little ones. However, occasional treats is different from giving candies or a piece of cake during lunch time.
3. Most importantly, respect each other. Instead of telling them what not to do, you can always tell them how to do it differently. 
4. Let the grandparent take care of the child while you're home so that they get a fair idea about the routine of the baby.
5. Call often to check how things are. That gives you an idea how much the baby and the grandparent are able to cope with. You can even then think of hiring a part timer to help, without really offending the grandparents. Taking care of a baby is an exhausting job!
6. Be flexible and take it easy. You might feel bad when the grandparent knows exactly what to do to soothe your little one when they throw a tantrum at dinner time or bed time. But then, that's because they are spending more waking hours with the baby.
7. Have a consistent set of rules that everyone follows. This way, the child will not get confused either.

• At home, with a full time maid or nanny

PROS:

1. Your child stays in the comfort of home.
2. You are able to monitor their meals.
3. There's more sense of control

CONS:

1. You may be left in the lurch if and when the nanny calls in sick or takes leave.
2. They are usually not educated. They could know the basics of child care, but may be adamant on following practices that may be harmful for the baby.
3. Supervision may be difficult, despite installing nanny cameras.

What you can do:

1. Hire a nanny with very strong reference credentials.
2. Try and work out some arrangement where a family member is home with the child and nanny.
3. Do a very strong background check.
4. Train the nanny for at least a month under your supervision.

• A creche or daycare

PROS:

1. These are regulated and a bit more accountable.
2. You can monitor activities through CCTV cameras now.
3. The caregivers are usually educated and trained.
4. Children get to socialize with other kids.

CONS:

1. Divided attention as there are more children to take care of.
2. It is difficult to find day cares that would take infants as little as 6 months old.
3. Children tend to get sick often in a daycare.
4. The pick and drop timings can be pretty rigid.

What you can do:

1. Look for a facility closer to your home or workplace, whichever is more feasible.
2. Check the safety standards before finalizing. The place should be child friendly. You must also want to have a detailed discussion about meals, milk, naps, toilet training, screen time, play time, medical emergency etc.
3. Again, look for a reputed place, based on feedback from friends/peers/colleagues who are or have taken their services.

Caring for a child is an exhaustive job. I know as I have been at it for a little over 2.5 years with not a single day leave as yet. Yet, I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to spend all my time with my little one.

Leaving your little one in another person's care is a difficult decision to take, and unavoidable to. But, if we consider our situation with the pros and cons, we will be better equipped to take the most suitable decision that will work for both the baby and the parents.

Hope, I have been able to help a bit here :)

A Letter to the Father of My Child

Dear Dadda,

That's how we address each other now, isn't it, as Mumma and Dadda?

If we had to go back to when we met, it would have been a little over two decades. And if we had to go back to how it all started, it'd be almost a decade, All that seems ancient history now though. But coming to our present, life has changed and how!

When we agreed to be together for life, I knew you were just the one who'd compliment and complete me in every way. And that you'd make the best husband ever. I wasn't disappointed either. You have always made that extra effort to keep things happy and smooth.

However, little did I think then about the kind of father you'd make. And here you just haven't surprised me, but simply bowled me over... yet again. The night of December 8, 2013, the day Prabir was born, you held him almost the entire night. You rocked and pacified him, as I struggled to get a hold on myself. And since then, it's just been a beautiful journey of growing together as his parents.

For him, his dadda is "Pustat Anand" and no matter how much we'd teach him to use the prefix 'Dr', he wouldn't. For, in you, he only sees his best playmate, his go-to person when mumma is strict, his caddy, his best friend! His eyes well up every morning as you leave for work and the sparkle in them is for all to see when you enter the room after a long day.

And again, you never disappoint him ever either. No matter how tired you may be, you are forever at his command, from the minute you are home. From bathing him to playing silly games to reading books together, you two are pretty sorted and just meant to be together. One hands-on father, you've never refused to change his diapers or even clean the mess that he creates. And it is these little things that make you his favourite (of course, that's after mumma!).

As he grows little by little every day, I see a lot of you in him. A Dadda's boy, he knows where his priorities lie already. He loves cars like you do and books and stationary too. And most of all, he loves his dadda.

So, while I may crib every day endlessly, be rest assured that I wouldn't have it any other way. As Prabir grows, he'll learn to be humble, to be kind and will have the zeal and determination to work hard, and all this and a lot more he'd inherit from his father- You! 

So, thank you, for every little thing you do, for all that you do, is for 'us'. Thank you for loving us so and for being the best and the most doting father I've ever seen or known.

Love you more,

Mumma

Toddler Tantrums & Us

Scene 1

Day - This Monday
Time - around noon

Prabir, now almost 2.5 years old, broke the remote back cover and started throwing everything off the bed, which included my novel and his toys.

I reacted pretty harshly and demanded that he pick the book from the floor right away. To which, I was met with an utter stubborn behaviour coupled with screaming and wailing at the top of his lungs. I stood my ground and refused to budge. He, being my blood and soul, stood his ground and refused to budge too. And this ensued over half an hour of screaming, wailing, coaxing etc etc. I did try to negotiate and make the situation a little more favourable to him as my temper cooled. However, he did not relent. Finally,  after about 45 minutes that seemed like forever, I had to pick him off the floor as well as the book. Phew!

*******************************

Scene 2

Day- Today (Wednesday)
Time- around 11 am

A househelp needed a medicine for which I took out the medicine box. In no time, all the medicines were all over the bed, some being torn apart or in the process of being rigged out of their seal. The moment I reacted asking Prabir what he was up to, he threw the box off the bed.

I asked him to pick it up and yes, he refused again. So, I closed my eyes and pleaded a little birdie to come and help Prabir pick up the box so that we could play a new 'aim' game. The box was on the bed within seconds and then we both aimed all the medicines (tablets only) inside the box and kept it away.

*******************************

Would seem just another day to anyone. However, to a full time, stay-at-home mother, any such incident is good enough to trigger an outburst (which was what happened on Monday). It might seem trivial, but not when you're required to keep your calm every second of the day.

With your patience and perseverance levels tested every minute, it's hard to just smile and go through your day. In fact, at such times, I really need to remind myself why I am following gentle parenting and why not resort to a little spanking to set things straight. Thankfully, the better part of my brain and heart knows, even in those bleak moments, that spanking will not help and only make it all even more traumatizing for both of us.

The fact is that I know the workaround. I even know, well most of the times, what will help and what won't. Yet, I let my temper take over. Who benefits? Neither mumma nor the baby. It all boils down to endless tears and cursing myself.

So, yes, we mothers aren't perfect. While you may see us handling our little ones pretty well and think we have it all sorted, the fact is we don't. We too have those moments when we want to hide somewhere, away from the constant wailing and endless tantrums. We too have serious meltdowns and we can cry for hours for seemingly no reason. When we go down the guilt trip after behaving a little strictly with our little ones, we'd love someone to tell us that it's okay and that it's absolutely normal.

I write this after almost 20 minutes of dancing and rocking my son for his afternoon nap.... preceded by 20 minutes of running after him all over the house... preceded by 30 minutes of lunch in which he only wanted to eat watermelon seeds.....

I'm tired and we're not even half past the day. And that's me, almost every day. Whoever said motherhood is easy! But again, we always have a choice as to how to react to a situation and handle it.

I think a cup of coffee might help now :)

Confessions of a Mother

I have a small group of mothers around me and we regularly discuss things about our respective children and seek advice from each other. Topics range from breastfeeding to food, vaccinations, outings, medicines, illness, home remedies. Basically, anything and everything.

While there's so much to learn yet, there's one thing other mothers always ask me - How do I remain so patient with my son all the time? Do I never get the urge to pick the rod?

If I have to confess, then to say that I have the composure of a saint would be the biggest lie. I snap often, I get angry quickly and I don't forgive easily.

But when it comes to my son, I hold back that impulsive emotion. I tell myself that I need to work out the situation some other way that's amicable to both of us.

He's a toddler and he'll have his tantrums. To give in to them or not is my prerogative as the parent. However, when the head banging, hitting and biting starts, all the saner thoughts fly to a distant land.

Handling the terrible twos is definitely a bigger and lengthier test I've ever taken. And the downside is that there's no textbook to go by. Just one thumb rule - Be gentle and loving, no matter how big the tantrum or bad the situation.

The first thing I do, at such times, is to stand back for a while. Away from him, and observe him. Then, as he begins his rolling-on-the-floor phase, I go and cuddle him and then starts the mammoth task of distracting him or talking it out. Most of the times, this works.

At other times, when I'm clearly not in a very safe mood myself, I keep away for longer and let someone else, usually my husband, take the front seat.

So, these days, we're always running late for everything. The reasons are pretty simple. My son may not like the clothes I pick for him and would prefer to put on something absolutely weird. Or he'd want to try all the shoes and slippers and sandals before deciding that he'll wear one each from two different pairs. Or he'd simply refuse for a diaper change as we run out of time.

The reasons are endless. And trust me, there's a lot of cajoling, negotiating and bargaining that goes on here, day in and out. The objective, however, is the same - a happy toddler.

So, yes. I usually run out of my reservoir of patience, more than a few times every day. I get firm and even upset and angry. But I don't let these emotions get the better of me. For my son is just being the baby that he is. He's entitled to his tantrums and the dramas. My only goal in those moments is to make him feel loved and understood, and reassure him every time that mumma has his back, always and all the time :)

8 Things Never to Say to Any Mother

"Why do you feed this way?"

"Why do you let your child do this? "

"Your child doesn't eat!"

"Don't bother. All children are this way."

"Whatever you may do, the child will always do this/that."

Now, just replace the "this" and "that" with all the advises and things you've been told right from the beginning of your journey as a mother.

We all have been there, all the mothers. Yet, so often, we forget how we can hurt another mother, unintentionally, with our words. No, we mean no harm, but the other mother out there is usually not happy.

1. "Your child looks so thin. He/she's  lost so much weight?"

My instant replies to such people is - "I'm eating all my son's food and starving him. Yes. Really!"

My son is a human and not a goat to be measured by how fat or thin he is! What's important to me is that he should be active and meeting his milestones well.

2. "What's happening to your little one's complexion? He was fairer when we last met."

"Yes. We've been going for regular tanning sessions, mommy and sonny. And then we're yet to try those instant fairness creams. Which one have you been using?"

Again. Why can't we see beyond looks?

3. "You know my child reached this/that milestone well on time. You should check with a good doctor."

While l appreciate someone being concerned for my child, yet one needs to know that even a little mention like this is enough to give mothers anxiety attacks and sleepless nights, especially first time mommies.

Moreover, there's a good window period for every milestone and every child is different and unique. Why compare?

4. (On your little one falling and getting hurt) "Don't worry. It's nothing. They keep getting hurt all the time."

Yes, they do. All the time? Well, almost.  Yet, a mother cannot just sit back and not worry. She'll be there to comfort and console her little one and needs to check if there are any unseen bruises.

I'd appreciate physical help at such times, like getting me an ice pack or an ointment. No?

5. "What? You aren't sending your toddler to a play school yet?! You'll have a tough time if you make it too late!"

I really feel it's the respective parents' personal decision as to when they want to send their little one to school. I spend all my time with my son and would rather that he enjoys his toddlerhood at his pace rather than be set into a routine, just to fall into the never ending rat race.

Again, I do not judge those parents who send their children to school earlier. Their child, their decision. But being judgemental on my decision is not acceptable either.

6. "You're spoiling your child with the kind of time and attention you give him. Let him be. Let him cry. It'll make him understand what's good and what's not."

Really? How can one even think that way for an infant or a toddler?

My son needs me more when he's not in the best of his spirits. Call it pampering, but I'll be there with him and for him always. No, he's not throwing a tantrum. It's his frustration that he needs to vent. And I'm the mother. I know better :)

7. (When a breastfeeding toddler isn't keeping well and hence has zero appetite)
"Oh my God! He's barely eaten anything. How will he get through the day this way? Your breastfeed is merely for comfort now. No nutritional value there!"

First, there's enough study out there proving that breastfeeding is good for toddlers, especially when they are unwell. Go, read. Second, how much do we like to eat when we are down with a viral, a flu or worse, a stomach infection? Why do the rules change for a baby?

Moreover, saying such things only makes the already stressed mother more worried. Give her a break. Get her a cup of tea as she sits all day tending to her little one. Yes, that will help more!

8. "Your child barely eats. Doesn't even finish a full chapati!"

Again, where do these standards come from? Most adult females around me start hyperventilating if they are even offered a 3rd chapati. And people expect children as little as 11 months to eat a bowl of rice or a full stuffed parantha! Wow!

I could go on and on as this list is endless. But the fact remains that such things only go on to annoy us, however well meant they could be.

While we appreciate others' experience and so-called expertise in bringing up children, we proudly follow the motto - My baby, my rules. Simply because we know our babies the best. We read, we research our bit and we're capable of making informed decisions for our little ones.

And we worry a lot and fret over them. We might also seem to be spoiling them silly. Yet, to comment on another one's parenting style or even showing our concern the wrong way, is not usually welcome.

Show us and we'll follow the good examples. :)

Toddler at home? Some Fun Ways to Engage Them!

So, I'm now a full time mother who works part time! When it comes to spending time in front of your system in office, hours fly by effortlessly most of the days, with colleagues and the boss ensuring you've enough to keep yourself occupied. But now, with no deadlines to meet or endless meetings and conference calls, days fly by even faster!

Yeah, it's my little toddler who keeps me in my toes (literally!) and wouldn't budge till he's not given his due attention. At times, it's difficult to match up with that level of energy. After all, I'm not getting any younger by the day. But there are some things they keep him busy for a few precious minutes, while I catch my breath.

If you're looking for ways to occupy your toddler for hours, be warned. Anything as 'long' as 20 minutes is considered phenomenal here. For toddlers have the attention span of a squirrel. Yeah, you know what I mean :)

A card of bindis - This by far is my son's favourite. He loves bindis and can play with them several times a day. I've kept a card of it aside and usually put back whatever is still usable from his face, legs and even the sheets!

A basket filled with random objects - Which toddler doesn't love exploring? And the more assorted the objects, the better.

Empty boxes and bottles - Cap, uncap, open, close, check, repeat!

Books - I keep a few books at an accessible distance for him and change them every couple of days. He picks one whenever he feels like to read and can now sit in a place for as long as 20 minutes while we read a book and look at the pictures.

Crayons and a doodle pad - When I first got him a set of crayons, people said it was too early. But he has loved them since the first time. He can now hold a crayon and make dots and lines and even attempts a circle :)

Shape sorting board - This is his latest fancy. He'd take out each shape and try to fit them back on the board. Another activity that we can do sitting in one place!

So, here are a few of the many things we do to make our days fun and interesting. C'mon mommies! Share your fun and engaging play time activities too.

Baby Led Weaning - An approach that changed me

The first food that our paediatrician advised when Prabir completed 6 months was Cerelac. I didn't find anything wrong with that either as that's what I've seen most babies in the family eat.

We went to the store and bought a flavour that we thought our son would like. And the first day, I held the spoon near his mouth, he rejected it outright. I kept at it and tried for 3 days until I kept the box of Cerelac away for good.

I then started with suji (semolina) porridge, and dal and rice, and introduced fruits and veggies gradually. When he didn't eat as much as I would have liked him to, which happened almost every time, I fretted and worried. When he demanded to breastfeed soon after having some solids, I blamed myself for not giving him enough to eat as he was clearly hungry.

Nothing and no one helped either. I was told to let him watch the television to make him eat. Or may be distract him with toys, which I confess I have done. There would be a whole lot of toys with us as we started a meal and each one was a mission. After all, mumma had to ensure that the sonny eats as much as 'she' would like him to.

It was in his 8th month that I bumped into a group on Facebook. How that happened I barely remember, but it was no less than a miracle. I read all about baby led weaning (blw) and was determined that it was the right approach for my baby and me.

The first thing I needed to do here was to unlearn all that I had known about feeding babies all this while.

• Breastmilk or formula is the primary source of nutrition for the first year - And there I would make myself sick worrying when my son demanded breastfeed after a meal.
• Stop feeding mashed or pureed food - While I never really did either, I used to overcook to make the food easy to swallow. BLW made me realise that the baby can chew and needs to start now, whether or not he has teeth as their gums are hard enough. The consistency of the food needed to be such that it is firm to hold and yet easy on the gums to chew. I've seen grown up kids in my family swallow food with water till date and that's not what I wanted for my son.
• The mother decides what and when, and the baby decides how much - This required the control freak in me to take a backseat and let my son decide how much he wanted to eat and not how much I'd like him to.
• No forcefeeding or distraction - The toys had to go and the child should have a proper place to have their meals. We were already using a highchair for meals, so this wasn't as difficult.
• Encourage self feeding - Now, here is what required most patience. With a never ending to do list, it was difficult to let the baby be and sit through while he explored, tasted, threw, poured and massaged it all over himself. Even more difficult is to see the mess with the baby throwing food all around. Every post meal wash became a mini bath with complete change of clothes. Yes, that's how messy it can get!
• The baby eats what the family eats - This meant that no separate meals needed to be made, just the salt had to go and the spices had to checked.
• The whole idea is to let my baby explore food, feel different textures and get to know their own taste and system better.

As I read all about BLW, I ordered a book 'My Child won't Eat'. Reading it changed my thoughts and views about feeding my son completely. No longer was I a worried mumma thinking about what my son ate or didn't eat. Meal times became more enjoyable and we started having our food together.

At 19 months, here's where we stand-

• We eat our meals together.
• Prabir knows how much he wants or needs to eat.
• He knows that he won't be forced to eat anything that he doesn't want or like.
• He's eager to try different food.
• He's getting better at eating with a spoon all by himself and knows how to use a fork too.
• He doesn't need water to swallow food and knows that he needs to finish what's in his mouth and then drink water, if he needs to.
• He knows his 'no' to something will be respected.

Even today, there are days when he would barely take a spoonful or two or completely skip a meal. I'll be honest to say that the mother in me still frets at times, but I'm not worried anymore. As my son can decide for himself when it comes to eating.

This post, in no way, is to endorse Blw as the only or the best way to introduce solids to a child. This is an approach that has worked beautifully for us and that's why this mumma swears by it.

While it's given a sense of control to my son and is a major step for him towards getting independent, it has given a sense of relief to this mumma. All I do is follow my baby's cues and ensure that I offer him balanced and nutrition meals. For the rest, he's the boss :)

Things I was Told Vs The Things I Did

As a mother, you are judged. No matter whether your child is a few days old or a few years, you'll always get those disproving looks from people you may or may not know. You'll be given lots of advice you may or may not need. And you'll be judged for every action or decision you take pertaining your child.

I didn't have it easier either. As a first time mother (ftm), while I was still grappling with my new life, I was told to do or not to do many things. And at times, was literally compelled to do things for the 'wellness' of my child.

Here are a few gems :)

Crying is good for the baby. Let him be. He'll learn to self soothe.
Really? I'd not leave an adult alone when they're upset or crying, let alone my baby. A baby needs the mother or primary caregiver 'all the time' and doesn't know what is self soothing. They need to be held, loved and made to feel secure and are not to be left to cry it out.

Don't carry the baby all the time. You'll spoil their habit.
I carried my son all the time till he started crawling. He would just not lie down, especially for his day naps and would cry murder the moment I put him down. Most of the time, I wore him while I went around doing my work and, eventually, mastered the art of doing everything with one hand. Today, at almost 18 months, he wants to walk and be on his own. If you try to carry him, he'd protest. The fact is babies don't always remain babies. They grow up.... too soon.

Top up with formula. You'll need it.
And why? Breastfeeding is the most convenient form of feeding I know. And apart from the nutrition it gives my baby, it gives him security, comfort, warmth and love.

Ensure he eats at least 2 times after 6 months.
Yes, I admit I gave in to this initially and regret it. But soon enough, I started following my baby's cues and understood that breastmilk or formula is and should be the main source of nutrition for the baby till 1 year. I let my baby explore food and followed baby led weaning. And trust me, I cannot be happier for taking this decision.

Extended breastfeeding will make the baby dependent and insecure.
To this, I'd say to come and meet my son. And if it's a problem that my son likes to be around with his mom or dad all the time, it's only natural for a toddler his age.

4 months? He should be rolling. 6 months? Not standing with support yet! One year old and not walking! OMG!!! I have become a pro at turning a deaf ear to such things. My baby sat without support at 4.5 months, but rolled only at 7 months and started walking at 14 months. Every baby is different. And I'd rather enjoy and celebrate every milestone than fret about it 'getting delayed'.

Don't rock the baby to sleep. You'll have to do it for years to come.
I've rocked and sung my baby to sleep almost till he was almost a year old. Then, suddenly, one day, he nursed, rolled over to the other side and slept off. And it has been like this ever since. I really miss the rocking and singing though.

Give the baby salt and sugar, else he won't like and neither eat regular food ever.
I gave absolutely no salt or sugar to my son till he was 1. There are enough research and studies that show how harmful these two things are. Hence, the lesser, the better. Now, though he eats the regular food that we eat, but if something is cooked for him separately, it's still without the two. He enjoys his food that way and eats what he's offered if he likes it or is hungry. And for those fretting about him getting less sodium etc, he gets it in natural form from various other foods, fruits and veggies, and of course, breastmilk.

Why don't you give the bottle?
Simple, because he likes having in his cup. And I'm proud of it.

Give cow milk. Breastmilk isn't enough!
It is, says WHO :)

Leave the child with someone else. They'll get used to it.
Yes, I'm a possessive mother, but I'd never let my baby not enjoy all the love and attention he gets from people who love him. If he's happy and comfortable with someone, and safe, I'll not think twice leaving him with them. That being said, I'll not force my kid to be with someone just so they get used to the idea. If he isn't happy, he wouldn't be forced to do it. 

It's okay if strangers want to hold him.
Really? Sorry, I don't think it's even worth answering why not.

It's okay to give junk food.
Junk is NOT OKAY. Period.

I've had someone offer my son Haldiram Punjabi Tadka Namkeen (very spicy) when he was 10 months. I turned around just in time and literally shrieked. And since then, never left my son alone with that person. Case of lost trust. For ever!

Again, extensive reading and research came to my aid and always does. Today, I am regarded as one of those stubborn mothers who doesn't listen or adhere to time and tested things (read as myths). And do I regret it? No. For the sole reason that I know 'what' I'm doing and am a part of strong networks of mothers who know their thing.

The most important thing I've learned is to trust my instincts and that no one knows my baby better than me. Because I'm the mother.

Be back soon.

Till then, take care and stay precious :)

The First Birthday Celebrations!

Where does time fly?

It seems like it was only yesterday when I was wheeled into the labour room. At the time, it was just the pains that clouded my thoughts and nothing else. The following morning, I was holding a little cherub, as I felt my heart melting away.

Fast forward to now....

Prabir has completed 1 year. Already!! There I was, planning and re planning the kind of celebration I would have. And lo and behold, it's come and gone so soon!

I believe in making memories, and wanted to make a huge one for my little man. Of course, there's the thing about babies not enjoying their birthday celebration and not remembering it either way. While I agree to this to an extent, the enjoying part can be managed, if it's planned according to your baby and not the parents or the guests.

While planning the entire event, a few things that were important for me were:

• Prabir's sleep or meals aren't disrupted. 
• Everyone gets to enjoy, adults included. 
• It shouldn't be just another birthday party where you cut the cake, give a gift, have food and that's it. 
• Relatives traveling to be with us get to see the city closely and taste the local food too. 
• Every moment is captured for Prabir to look at and smile later.

The first came the card and it had to be special. As we celebrated every month, I compiled the pictures of all the cakes he had cut through the year. So, with all the little ones he cut every month, it was now time to cut the Big 1!!

The birthday was on a Monday and his near and dear ones were more than excited to be with him for his big day, so much so that many of them flew in from different cities for the celebration. So yes, the onus was on us to make their trip memorable and fun.

With relatives arriving before or on Sunday, we planned a 2-day celebration.

The fun started on Sunday morning with a special Ganga cruise. With the weather favoring us, it was real fun cruising on the Ganges, with family for company, snacks for nibbling and lots of candid clicks.

Following this was lunch by the riverside. The restaurant had an open space which we'd booked in advance, making it a private and sunny affair.

Post this, everyone returned and took some well needed rest. Prabir too was home in time for his nap.

In the evening, there was a small get together with local delicacies like litti-chokha, chhole-bhature and mutton curry and rice.

The next day was the big one, with everyone up to wish the birthday boy the moment he woke. Prabir decided to sleep in a little more, while everyone waited. In the meantime, his room was filled with balloons and gifts. So, the moment he woke up, he had this big grin on his face, and darted towards his gifts.

The birthday party was kept in the afternoon as it's at that time when Prabir is most active and playful. We didn't choose any theme for the event as our little boy will have enough to pick from as he grows. Balloons were colorful and the cake was a classic two tier blue butterscotch with cream pandas on the top.

The only thing that I hadn't really thought about was Prabir's dress. While I wanted it casual and chic, I wanted him to stand out too and the party dresses for boys available in the market were just not great. Every store had millions of choices for girls, but for little boys, there were barely a few, if any. We settled for denim pants with a multicolor sweater and a red Nehru Jacket to complete the look.

There were games for both adults as well as the kids, musical chair, spoon and lemon race and paper dance. What fun it was to see Prabir's aunts and uncles running, while Prabir clapped and rocked to the music.

The highlight of the party was a video I compiled with all the firsts, like when he first babbled, first crawled etc.

The return gifts were personalised too. The kids got caps with their name on it. For the adults, there were framed pictures of them with Prabir, ethnic dupattas etc. We also got chocolate bars with 'Thank You' written on them for every kid.

With the event over by 4pm, we were home soon enough for the kid to catch up with his siesta. So, all in all, no cranky baby and just perfect birthday celebrations!

The success of it all would be when my son smiles every time he sees the pictures and videos of his first birthday. That moment is still far fetched, but would make everything worth the effort ☺

Things My Son has Taught Me

The last few months have been stressful, to say the least. Life has taken an unwanted, though expected, turn, the effects of which might never go away.

Amidst all this, if there's anything that has kept me going, it is my son. The tiny, naughty, playful little angel who keeps my world so beautiful and full of sunshine. And when I look at him, there's so much that he's taught me all along.

Smile - Smile, no matter how bad or blue the world around is. It's amazing how easily a little child can crack into a smile instantly. While there isn't much that you can do to change situations or people, you can change your perspective and mood. And all that starts with a little smile.

Never give up - A baby learns things, little by little and by never giving up. Yes, there are moments of frustration and anger too, but he keeps struggling until he has mastered the art, be it rolling and flipping, sitting up, crawling, standing or walking. The sad thing is that as we grow, we lose our perseverance and start giving up way too easily. Looking at my son these days trying to stand and walk is a delight, and a reminder that patience and perseverance always pay.

Sing, like no one is listening - And lots of singing we, mother and son, do. No longer do I care whether my voice cracks up at a high pitch or the fact that I am only mumbling the lyrics I barely know. We sing and have our own fun, all the time!

Forgive & forget - Who says a mother never makes mistakes? Of course, she does. Or for that matter, anyone else who's with the baby. But the baby never remembers and the next moment, it's all about love and hugs for him or her. While we adults keep way too many grudges and, in the process, lose out on valuable time and beautiful relationships.

Live and love the moment - It's all about this particular moment for my son now. If he wants to sleep, he'll sleep and if he's hungry, he'll want to be fed. There's no planning anywhere. So, even if it's 3 am in the morning and he decides to play a while, he'll play. When he grows up, he too will get caught in the maze called life and fret and worry like we do.

Take it easy - The house is a mess, the dried laundry needs to be put away, sleep is now a luxury and I haven't done my eyebrows for over 2 months now. But every moment with my child allows me to sit back and truly enjoy 'the' moment. The colorful stacking rings and the tumblers are more important now than coordinating my dress with the right footwear. All because my child loves playing with these and I'd crawl under the bed in an expensive dress to fetch the one that rolls in there. And despite all the mess and my imperfections, my child loves me nonetheless. While I bask in the moment, I let go of things that can be put off for the next day, just to be with my child. Does the next day come? Who cares. .. as long as I get every moment of my little one's childhood.

Childhood is absolutely amazing, but seeing your child grow is an eye opener. Yes, life teaches, but your child is the greatest teacher. As you become a parent, not only do you look at life differently, but also learn so many things about yourself that you've never known. You are the strongest and the most vulnerable with your child.

Every moment with my son is a treasure and everything else can wait. And my son inspires me to be a better human being, little by little, every day :)

Will be back with more. Till then, take care and stay precious :)