Saturday, September 8, 2018

A Note from a Stay-at-Home-Mom

Being a mother is a full time job. There's this never-ending exhaustion and admit it or not, we are often in a state of paranoia over just about every thing.

But today, this is about stay-at-home-mothers or a SAHM. Those that are often looked at with envy as we are home with kids all day without having to go do a 'real job'.

Motherhood is beautiful, but overwhelming too. Especially so when you've been going through the grind (don't kill me for that word!) for years with no actual break. Oh come on, vacations aren't really a break! You are actually doing the same thing outside the comfort of your home, which, believe me, can be more back-breaking.

While being a SAHM is more or less a choice we made, under various circumstances, most of us have worked at a point of time and have had a flourishing career too, which we gave up to do what we are doing! And in a way, lost quite a bit too - our financial independence, interacting with peers and colleagues, rising to challenges at work and overcoming them successfully... I can go on.

And yet, while others feel that we are the 'lucky' ones who just have to stay at home and don't really have to do much all day, there's so much going within us all the time!
  • We have mostly forgotten our first name at times as we are mostly called Mumma or Mommy, or Mom or.... you get the drift, right?
  • We are lonely. The only interaction we seem to have over days on end is with our kids and may be the house helps!

  • There's no 'I' or 'Me' anymore. Even a doctor's appointment needs to be worked around others' schedules.
  • We love what we do, but we also get tired of the monotony, physically and mentally.

  • We yearn for a few minutes when we can just be us, not a mother nor a wife!

  • Stay at home is not considered a real job as it doesn't pay you in cash, so basically we do nothing at all, as we are home all day. Cooking, cleaning and cleaning up (several times a day), running after the kids, bathing/feeding/putting them to bed, managing kitchen, groceries, running household errands etc etc don't come under any job specifications.

  • We are mostly too overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time and no one ever seems to understands why.

  • Our socializing hours are only during our kids' school hours (which are others' working hours). That's also the time we need to run errands that can't be done with the kids. 

  • We become an emotional wreck every few days for want of some space and time to ourselves.

  • And worst, talking about it all puts the blame on us as we were the ones who made this choice in the first place!
This isn't about whining or venting, but just asking to be listened to without being told how lucky we are or how thankless (oh yes, I've heard that too!).

This isn't about comparing, but a request to be considered an equal and not less. 

This isn't about any envy or sympathy, but empathising with each other.

And most importantly, this isn't to ask for appreciation for all that a SAHM does, but a little acknowledgement wouldn't do any harm, would it?

So, when we meet next time, please be a little patient if I tend to break down or go on a rant about how tired and exhausted I am. Please bear with me if I go on a monologue as it could be days or even weeks since I would've had a proper conversation with an adult. And please be kind enough to not put me down by saying I have it all easy! 

Trust me, it takes up a hell lot of me to put myself aside every moment, every day.

~A Stay-at-Home Mom



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