The Green Stem with the Red Flower

Let your child make mistakes. Let them color how they like it and draw their imaginations the way they see it. Let the sky be yellow and the trees blue with violet fruits and flowers. Don’t curb their thoughts and ideas yet. Don’t teach them ‘how’ to do it. Let them explore and learn on their own. Guide but don’t preach. Every flower is beautiful and so is every child.

The piece below depicts it wonderfully.

 ______________________  

“Once a little boy went to school.

 One morning   The teacher said: "Today we are going to make a picture."

"Good!" thought the little boy.   He liked to make all kinds;   Lions and tigers, Chickens and cows, Trains and boats; And he took out his box of crayons And began to draw.

But the teacher said, "Wait!" "It is not time to begin!" And she waited until everyone looked ready.   "Now," said the teacher, "We are going to make flowers."

"Good!" thought the little boy, He liked to make beautiful ones With his pink and orange and blue crayons.  

But the teacher said "Wait!" "And I will show you how." And it was red, with a green stem. "There," said the teacher, "Now you may begin."  

The little boy looked at his teacher's flower Then he looked at his own flower. He liked his flower better than the teacher's But he did not say this. He just turned his paper over, And made a flower like the teacher's. It was red, with a green stem.  

On another day The teacher said: "Today we are going to make something with clay."

 "Good!" thought the little boy; He liked clay. He could make all kinds of things with clay: Snakes and snowmen, Elephants and mice, Cars and trucks And he began to pull and pinch His ball of clay.  

But the teacher said, "Wait!" "It is not time to begin!" And she waited until everyone looked ready.   "Now," said the teacher, "We are going to make a dish."

 "Good!" thought the little boy, He liked to make dishes. And he began to make some That were all shapes and sizes.   But the teacher said "Wait!" "And I will show you how." And she showed everyone how to make One deep dish. "There," said the teacher, "Now you may begin."  

The little boy looked at the teacher's dish; Then he looked at his own. He liked his better than the teacher's But he did not say this. He just rolled his clay into a big ball again And made a dish like the teacher's. It was a deep dish.  

And pretty soon The little boy learned to wait, And to watch And to make things just like the teacher. And pretty soon He didn't make things of his own anymore.

 Then it happened That the little boy and his family Moved to another house, In another city, And the little boy Had to go to another school.  

The teacher said: "Today we are going to make a picture." "Good!" thought the little boy. And he waited for the teacher To tell what to do.

the teacher didn't say anything. She just walked around the room.   When she came to the little boy She asked, "Don't you want to make a picture?" "Yes," said the little boy. "What are we going to make?" "I don't know until you make it," said the teacher.

 "How shall I make it?" asked the little boy. "Why, anyway you like," said the teacher. "And any color?" asked the little boy. "Any color," said the teacher.

 And he began to make a red flower with a green stem. “

~Helen Buckley, The Little Boy (HT Amanda White)

The Wicked Mommy

Prabir’s grandma gave him some money with which he wanted to buy a remote control transformer car. 

1. I told him the amount was 300 (though it was more), so he selected a car for 299.

2. The car is to arrive today, so he woke up on my first call this morning. He had his bath, breakfast etc on time (for the first time since his vacation started!!)

3. While waiting for the delivery, he’s completed his holiday funsheets (finally!!) and his Mumma even gave him a little dictation on English and Hindi alphabet and numbers

4. He’s been listening to every thing being said to/ asked off of him! 

By the way, the car was delivered early morning today. This wicked Mumma has half a mind to tell him the delivery has been postponed to tomorrow. After all, I’d love to see my boy so obedient and diligent for a day more!

Am I a very wicked mommy? 😈😈

The 'Me' in My Child

We were in the last leg of our Founders' Day celebration rehearsals with every move being perfected by our coaches. Mr. Colvin stood at the railing above the ground while Mr. Hatwal was giving us the beats on the drum. One slight wrong or fidget move meant being called out by Mr. Colvin. He was at quite a distance and I was intrigued how he could observe something as little as a twitch from that far away. Curiosity did get the better of me and I tucked a little stray strand of hair behind the ear, very intentionally, but ever so discreetly. Within fraction of a second, I was called out!

A couple of decades down to last evening. Prabir, my 5 year old, is down with seasonal cold and cough and I measured and kept the syrups in the caps front of him, asking him to drink them up while I went to put away the medicines. On turning, I see him pouring water from his cup in the caps, as the mix of the syrups and water flowed generously all over the table. I. Was.  Furious! In moments like these, I have to remind myself all the tenets of gentle parenting. For scream I will, though I know it isn't what I am supposed to do. 

Meanwhile, Prabir knew he'd triggered the monster in his mother and looked up sheepishly. But then, I saw something more than just guilt in those eyes. That look in those eyes belonged to the younger me, the one I would have had in those moments when I defied rules and instructions just to know the "what if"! I saw the same streak in my son, that curiosity to know "what if"! I quietly threw away the water and repoured the medicines in the cap, wiped the table and asked Prabir to drink it up, in as calm a tone as I could manage.

This isn't a one-off incident. As he is growing and realizing that he has a mind of his own, he's even more curious, intrigued, impatient, angrier et all. And I'm fumbling. Because I know now what exactly I am dealing with here and it's not going to be easy. With both of my parents gone to the better world a long time ago, I have no references to look up or speak to. 

However, there's one thing here I know and am sure of. I know exactly how he feels and what must be going on in his mind when he behaves this way. Because I know how the younger me felt and what went on in my mind then. I was reprimanded, scolded, and even caned more than a few times when I tried to know the "what ifs" then. And then I hid stuff. I hid incidents. I hid myself. Because I was scared. Scared of being told off. Scared of being scolded. Scared of being punished.

So, I know exactly what I SHOULD NOT do. 

Yes, there will be times when the human in me will get a better off of the patient mother I try to be. There will be times when I will question my gentle parenting approach. There will be moments (and there are plenty!) when I would want to bang my head on the nearest wall.

But after such difficult moments pass, I know that I won't have regrets. I'd know that I have done the best I could. And I'd be a much more thankful to my little one, who shows me the mirror every single day.

After all, I am just another human. And a mother.

Happy 5th Birthday, Our Little Sunshine

When it was just him and me

We never knew our hearts could contain

So much more love and dreams

Until you came!

And now...

When you turn and smile

And in your own way, you tell me

Things are just going to be okay

I see a little bit of him in you...

When you rattle off numbers and days

And memories from years gone by

Of when you were even more little

I see a little bit of me in you....

When you keep your calm

In the midst of chaos, and

Give me a solution I just couldn’t figure 

I see a little bit of him in you...

When you come crying

Because you couldn’t find a toy 

In the place it’s meant to be

I see a little bit of me in you...

When you outwit me 

With a matter-of-fact statement

And say it all with a straight face

I see a little bit of him in you...

When you widen your eyes 

With expressions and gestures so dramatic 

And yet so natural 

I see a little bit of me in you...

When you roll your eyes 

And clinch your teeth

To express your anger and yet contain it

I see a little bit of me in you...

You’re a bit of him and me 

But more of your unique self in every way

You’re every dream we’ve ever seen

The answer to all our prayers

As you’re growing by leaps and bounds

We too are growing with you every day

You’ve made us not only mumma and dadda 

But better humans in every way.

May you grow up to be a beautiful person

And flourish in all that your heart desires 

Flying and yet grounded to your roots

Spreading love and sunshine everywhere.

Happy 5th Birthday, our little Sunshine.

Mumma and Dadda love you the most ❤️❤️❤️❤️

A Note from a Stay-at-Home-Mom

Being a mother is a full time job. There's this never-ending exhaustion and admit it or not, we are often in a state of paranoia over just about every thing.

But today, this is about stay-at-home-mothers or a SAHM. Those that are often looked at with envy as we are home with kids all day without having to go do a 'real job'.

Motherhood is beautiful, but overwhelming too. Especially so when you've been going through the grind (don't kill me for that word!) for years with no actual break. Oh come on, vacations aren't really a break! You are actually doing the same thing outside the comfort of your home, which, believe me, can be more back-breaking.

While being a SAHM is more or less a choice we made, under various circumstances, most of us have worked at a point of time and have had a flourishing career too, which we gave up to do what we are doing! And in a way, lost quite a bit too - our financial independence, interacting with peers and colleagues, rising to challenges at work and overcoming them successfully... I can go on.

And yet, while others feel that we are the 'lucky' ones who just have to stay at home and don't really have to do much all day, there's so much going within us all the time!

• We have mostly forgotten our first name at times as we are mostly called Mumma or Mommy, or Mom or.... you get the drift, right?
• We are lonely. The only interaction we seem to have over days on end is with our kids and may be the house helps!
  
  
• There's no 'I' or 'Me' anymore. Even a doctor's appointment needs to be worked around others' schedules.
• We love what we do, but we also get tired of the monotony, physically and mentally.
  
  
• We yearn for a few minutes when we can just be us, not a mother nor a wife!
  
  
• Stay at home is not considered a real job as it doesn't pay you in cash, so basically we do nothing at all, as we are home all day. Cooking, cleaning and cleaning up (several times a day), running after the kids, bathing/feeding/putting them to bed, managing kitchen, groceries, running household errands etc etc don't come under any job specifications.
  
  
• We are mostly too overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time and no one ever seems to understands why.
  
  
• Our socializing hours are only during our kids' school hours (which are others' working hours). That's also the time we need to run errands that can't be done with the kids. 
  
  
• We become an emotional wreck every few days for want of some space and time to ourselves.
  
  
• And worst, talking about it all puts the blame on us as we were the ones who made this choice in the first place!

This isn't about whining or venting, but just asking to be listened to without being told how lucky we are or how thankless (oh yes, I've heard that too!).

This isn't about comparing, but a request to be considered an equal and not less. 

This isn't about any envy or sympathy, but empathising with each other.

And most importantly, this isn't to ask for appreciation for all that a SAHM does, but a little acknowledgement wouldn't do any harm, would it?

So, when we meet next time, please be a little patient if I tend to break down or go on a rant about how tired and exhausted I am. Please bear with me if I go on a monologue as it could be days or even weeks since I would've had a proper conversation with an adult. And please be kind enough to not put me down by saying I have it all easy! 

Trust me, it takes up a hell lot of me to put myself aside every moment, every day.

~A Stay-at-Home Mom

OPOS - A Magical Revolution in the Kitchen

For those who know me, know that I've never been inclined towards cooking. I can cook just enough to feed myself and my family and given the first chance, I'd gladly pass on any kitchen related work.

Well, the tables have turned. I look forward to cooking and trying new recipes every single meal! To be honest, it's not less than magical for me. And if you'd ask the secret, it's a magical technique - OPOS!!

Just imagine making just about anything, be it butter chicken, biryani, kurma or pulao, in a few minutes! And how? In a pressure cooker!! Yes, you heard it right. Opos is all about cooking food in its own juices while maximizing its nutrients and taste, and all this in a pressure cooker.

OPOS is not about cuisines, vegetarian or non vegetarian food etc, it's about techniques. And the person behind this wonderful concept is Mr Rama Krishnan, or RK Sir as most of us call him. A journey that he started over a decade ago is now a full fledged revolution and we all swear by it.

Here is Sir in his own words! A heartfelt thanks to him for agreeing for this interview.

A decade is a long time! Not many people have the courage to stick to their ideas for so long, and most quit after the first few years of non acceptance. What helped you stay put all these years? 

I'm very surprised myself. I am notorious for jumping fields. I guess I realised at the back of my mind that something really nice is shaping up. I would also like to believe this was my destiny! 🙂

What is the biggest challenge you've faced in all these years? (Any such moment where you felt that all that you've invested would yield nothing?)

When feedbacks were totally inconsistent. Some would rave. Others would slam. This had me completely puzzled. Do these techniques work or not? I was not sure. 

And the Eureka moment in this long journey?

1. Realisation that themes underlie all cuisines.

2. Realisation that food needs to be pressure cooked in its own juices, at the highest possible heat for the lowest possible time to intensify natural colour, taste, flavour and texture.  

Who's the first person who believed in you and Opos?

A small group comprising of Chitra Viswanathan, Varalekshmy Raghavan, Majula Natarajan, Saraswathy Jayaraman, Shymala Srivatsan and a few others.

You've mentioned that it's been the difficulty of trying recipes in cookbooks that made you look for something that any novice could make themself a meal. How did a pressure cooker come in your mind? What made you feel it had the power to change the way food is cooked? 

After spending a decade on writing One Page cookbooks, I could see no one was using it. It took a few more years to realise this is because there is no way to translate the recipes into food consistently. It later dawned that for the results to be consistent, the equipment needs to be consistent. And pressure cooker fitted the bill perfectly!

Your determination and focus are inspiring! Who inspires you?

People who suffer for want of food, in the midst of plenty. People who waste enourmous labour, fuel and food to cook up simple dishes.

Who's that one person who always has your back, no matter how crazy the ideas get or how worse the time?

The OPOStars! 

It's like the dawn of a new era in cooking with Opos. Did you ever have a premonition that this would happen? 

Not consciously. But I guess the subconscious belief was what kept me motivated all along, when I had no followers / no one trying the techniques.

What do you like doing when you aren't trying out new Opos recipes? 

Hang out with friends. Read. Travel. I love lazing for days doing absolutely nothing.

How is RK as a person after he takes off the chef's hat at the end of a day?

Difficult. Unpredictable. Unconventional. Easily irritable. 🙂 

And one last question - who do you love cooking for (apart from yourself)?

Friends. I do it almost every other day.

If that doesn't excite you as much already, Google OPOS now or better still, check the Youtube Chef videos! You can even buy the "OPOS COOKBOOK - 5 Minute Magic" on Amazon!

To put it simply, I'm addicted to OPOS. It's given me a whole new freedom with such scrumptious food on the table every single day. Whether you're single or married, man or woman, in a nuclear family or a joint one, OPOS is for you. Try it once and you'll be hooked for life. That's an OPOS promise :)

Raising Prabir - Humour All the Way

We had gone to see my skin specialist this Tuesday. The clinic is quite a distance from here and I was using the GPS on our way back.

At a point, the GPS voice-over said, "After 200 meters, make a U-turn."

Prabir immediately responded, "GPS Aunty, 'Take a U-turn. We need not 'make' a U-turn. It is already there!"

And like every other time, he had his Mumma almost rolling over laughing while driving. Dangerous...aint it! 

Raising Prabir - A Proud Moment

Last week, I needed to visit a bank branch. Usually, I run such errands when Prabir is in school; however, with vacations on, he went with me.

Now, we mommies tend to carry an entire pantry in our handbags because no matter when, the kids will get hungry once they are out of the house, even if they've just had their meal. So, while I was talking to the bank executive, came a very familiar hunger call from behind me. I quickly handed Prabir a little tiffin of snacks and he took a chair and began eating.

And then suddenly, out of nowhere, there was this little smashing sound along with a little cry. The entire tiffin was on the floor with the snack all over while Prabir stood frozen. Immediately, the executive I was speaking to told us not to worry as he'd get someone to clean it up. I went on to pick a little out of the way. By then though, my little boy was down on his knees, picking up each bit in his little hands. He then asked the executive where the dustbin was. The executive pulled back his chair back and moved the dustbin towards Prabir, who went on to pick every bit from the floor and put it in the dustbin.

All this while, the others in the bank, including the bank manager were watching Prabir. And I, a very proud mother, stood there smiling with a little lump in my throat. I, somehow, remembered to capture the moment much later. And I'm so glad I was able to.

It's these little moments that make it all so worth it. They reassure me that I'm doing something right somewhere. And they make me so so proud to be the mother of this wonderful boy!

In the picture is Prabir putting the last bit in the dustbin.

A Letter to My Son - On Your First Day of School

My Shona,

It's a big day tomorrow. It's your big day! For tomorrow, you begin a brand new journey that will teach you so much, carve and mould your personality and take you places. This journey also means venturing out from the comfort and security of your home, as well as the paranoia of your mumma.

You're super excited, as any toddler would be. You've ensured your bag is packed and picked the tiffin you're going to take too. In fact, you wanted to go to school right away (at 8.30 pm!), but this mother of yours put you to bed instead.

To say that mumma is excited wouldn't really be very apt. Your mumma is super nervous and jittery. If course, it might not be a big deal for others as every child eventually goes to school, but only you and I know how critical and big a moment this is for both of us.

We've not been apart for more than a couple of hours in all these three and a half years, and that too you've only been with your Dadda. To put it in short, we both are like Velcro, isn't it?

Your second home, your school, will teach you a lot and give you plenty of friends. I wish that you also learn the basic life skills as you learn what the books have to offer to you. Always be kind, betu, with everyone, irrespective of everything. And learn humility. No work is big or small, neither is any profession. Treat everyone with respect always, like you do now. Thank a person when you should and apologize when you need to. To make it big in life, it's important to be a good human first.

It's going to be fun out there, betu, and a little crazy too. While this journey is long and often challenging, it's super adventurous, I assure you! You'll tread new paths. You'll falter. You'll learn. You'll grow.

And as you spread your wings and embrace the teachings from your teachers and create new relationships, your mumma and Dadda will have your back always, at every step and in every decision. Put your heart in everything you do and believe me, the rest will simply follow. For only where your heart is, you can invest all the required time, dedication, and effort. As you strive to achieve your goals and fulfil your dreams, remember our love for you will not waver with your grades or your rank. You are our world and in your happiness, lies ours.

Go on, my little sunshine. Do not fret. Do not be afraid. This world is beautiful and will be even better as you step into it. Spread your love and laughter everywhere. Live every moment to the fullest and never cease to learn.

You are our rockstar! We love you!

~Mumma

Raising Prabir- Humour Amid Chaos!

We were stuck in the (in)famous Delhi rain traffic jam, trying to look for a way out, exasperated. Just then, the title song from the Dhoni biopic started playing.

Puzzled, Prabir asks, "Mumma, har gali mein Dhoni hai! Dhoni toh ek hi gali mein ho sakta hai... hai na?"

And we all burst out laughing.

There's life in every moment... even in the middle of a pathetic traffic jam. And we adults tend to take life too seriously. Just a little reminder to laugh more, enjoy the rains, hum along with the music and live a little more :)

Lessons from My Life

I was never a brilliant student, going by the academic standards set by our system. Though I did fare a little above the average usually, it was never good enough, neither for my parents nor the teachers. I still have a few of my report cards and the remarks have been consistently similar through the years - Neha is a bright child but needs to focus more and can do much better.

Though there were things I happened to be naturally good at, like sports, public speaking and even a bit of dramatics etc. Yet, it was never good enough. If I participated in a competition (and I participated in most of them!), it was expected of me to win. A second position or (God forbid!) a third meant failure. It had to be No. 1 or nothing at all.

And it was this incessant pressure to excel and win that broke me on those several occasions when I didn't get the top spot. Most of the times, the sheer fun and enthusiasm involved in participating was crushed with that pressure. And often, I had cold feet, numb fingers and a dry throat just before my turn at the mike or before aiming a basketball during a high intensity match. And I'd fail! It wasn't nervousness as much as it was the fear of failure and the consequent rejection I knew I'd face. Like every child, I wanted to feel loved and make my family and teachers proud of me. Yet, more often than not, I felt helpless and gave in to mindless self blaming and even guilt.

Today, as I look back at those times as a mother myself, I understand better as to why I was expected to excel in all. And that my parents did just what most parents do - make me fall in line and adhere to the standards set up by our education system and society. For it is, sadly, only the academic brilliance that is still noted and encouraged. Creativity and professions related to it weren't and still aren't given their due. Children are still measured by the digits they are able to rake up in the report cards through rote learning, which make or break a child's career as well as confidence.

My professors in college wanted me to prepare and sit for civil examinations. They'd tell me about the greener pastures in the IAS part of the world. When I defied them and took up a course in mass communication instead, most thought I'd lost my mind. That was over a decade ago. And even after so many years of work experience, I still am in the process of finding a profession or work I can give my heart and soul to.

Would that mean I've lost out because I didn't follow the norms or the herd? No. Instead, I've learned and grown. I've tested more waters than many others would have. I've failed and succeeded and learned a lot in that process. I've known hard work and most importantly, I've followed my heart. And that makes me happy.

As a mother, I pray that I don't get influenced by social and academic pressures as my parents did. While I'd want my son to excel, it shouldn't be at the cost of his confidence or never should he feel the need to excel to rise in my eyes. I want him to know that coming second, or even third, isn't a failure. There's just one top spot out there and it goes to the one who performs the best on a given day. And that doesn't mean that others weren't good. It's what he learns in the process which is important. Success doesn't necessarily imply self worth, for a child is much more than the medals and trophies (s)he brings home. I want him to know that his mother will stand by him through his failures and achievements and that she'll have his back always. 

For that's all I needed as a child and I know that's all my son would ask of his mother, in words or in deeds. And for that, I'm prepared.

Raising Prabir- Talking Shapes

Prabir (just now, looking at our marriage pic) - Mumma, woh jo tumhari shaadi ki photo hai uss mein aisi mumma kyon hai? (In that marriage photograph, why does mumma look like this?)

Me- kaisi thi mumma tab? (How was mumma then?)

Prabir - round round

Me- ab? (Now?)

Betu - Oval

I always knew motherhood reshapes you and your life completely. Hence proved!!

#RaisingPrabir #ToddlerTalks

😂😂😂😂😂

Raising Prabir- A Lesson for Life

We were walking out of the passport office last week when this little one came happily to Prabir, wagging its tail. Prabir declared that it's hungry and fed him a few biscuits I was carrying.

As we moved on after feeding the puppy, Prabir asked who will feed it when it's hungry again. I had no answers for him then, yet a sense of satisfaction loomed large within me.

Nothing exceptional in what happened, but a life lesson well learnt.

Raising Prabir - A Telephone Conversation

Prabir on a pretend-play call with his imaginary friend DD. The monologue went something like this:

"Yes, DD. Tum aa rahe ho mere ghar? Tumhe raasta pata hai? Nahi...? Main bataata huin raasta. Yahaan se Wahaan!"

(Transalated - "Yes, DD. Are you coming home? Do you know the way? No..? I will tell you the way. From here to there!")

That friend will never reach our home, it seems! 😂😂😂😂😂

Raising Prabir - A beautiful morning

Our househelp took a break from mopping the floor to have a cup of tea. While she stood with her cup near the kitchen door,  Prabir rushed to his room. He emerged with a little stool and kept it near her, asking her to sit.

Sitting at the dining table, sipping my coffee and simply taking in what just happened, I smiled as my eyes welled up. There's something somewhere I did do right as his mother.

Raising Prabir

Toddlers are fun and full of surprises.  As Prabir is growing up,  he's  picking new words.

We just returned from dinner.

A conversation that ensued just now verbatim.

Me- So, did you like the dinner?
Prabir - Yesss
Me- Is your tummy full?
P- Yesss
Me- What did you like the best?
P- zedzed
Me- I'm asking what did you like the best in dinner?
P- zedzed
Me- Red red? What's that?
P- Mummmaaaaaa zedzed......meethha!!!
Me- zedzed... You mean dessert!!!

Now,  that's some English, my boy!

Motherhood isn't all Giggles & Cuddles!

There.... I said it!

Yes, you have a tiny one to cuddle and play silly with all day, but motherhood is beyond that. While you bask in the endless baby talks and the sweet baby scent, you realize gradually that you are the sole one responsible for the well being of this little one too. And just when you 'think' you have it all figured and sorted out, the challenges change.

And the worst part is that there is no rule book to follow, no sage advice to guide you, and no precedence to look up to for a solution.

Is motherhood easy? Well, just yesterday morning, I was crying bucketful of tears and only wanted to go somewhere far far away. Somewhere where there'd be no one to calling out 'Mumma' every fraction of a second.

So, yes, motherhood is challenging! A few ways I cope, rather try to!

P.S: I'm almost always near the brim just about to sink in and yet managing to stay afloat!

• Breathe! Yes. B........r........e.........a........t.........h..........e..............
  
• Celebrate little moments. Your baby burped quickly? Dance a bit. Self fed without much mess? Do a little gig. Pooped in the potty seat? Now that calls for a big celebration!!! Rejoice. Celebrate. Smile. Laugh.
  
  The other night I was literally dancing after putting Prabir to bed at 8.30 pm, while my husband stared in amusement. Trust me, only a mother can rejoice and celebrate things like these!
  
• Nurture a hobby or that long forgotten passion. For me, it's reading and writing. Not that you'll find the time to do it seriously enough, but a few moments away (mentally) do work.
  
• Focus, prioritize and leave what's not humanly possible. Period. Let people think. Let people judge. You are doing your best and you need not prove it all the time. The laundry can wait and so can the endless cupboards that need dusting.
  
• Delegate work. Hire help wherever possible. Gives you a little more time from the same 24 hours.
  
• Look for support. Seek help. Online or offline...doesn't matter. Meet old friends and make new ones. Though I can't brag to have an awesome social life, so to say, I do have an extremely strong network of mothers who are my soul sisters now. Not a day can pass without their love and support!

• Put on the music. It helps. It distracts. It changes the mood. And doesn't obstruct your work either.
  
• Be easy on yourself. Yes, you are a mommy. Not a superwoman. That's another thing that your little one(s) see a cape and a halo around you!
  
• Shut your eyes for a few moments every few hours. Even 30 seconds help.
  
• Most importantly, love yourself. Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed, even if that just means putting on a pair of washed Pj's and tee. Brush your hair. Put on some moisturizer or even some kohl or kajal. And give that beautiful woman in the mirror a good admiring look every day.
  

Motherhood is beautiful. But equally taxing and nerve-wrecking. Every morning, I brace myself  for yet another day. But then, I remind myself that the days may be long while the years are too short. And these little cuddly babies grow up just too soon.

Love them with all your being, but don't lose yourself in the process :)

Teaching about Good and Bad Touch & How to say NO!

We, Prabir and I, were at a store looking at backpacks. While I was busy looking at the designs being shown by a salesman, Prabir was exploring the suitcases and bags kept nearby.

Suddenly, I heard Prabir say 'NO' pretty loudly. I turned towards him and he told me that the uncle was touching his cheeks and so he said 'No'. I immediately asked the salesman not to do it and picked Prabir and made him sit near me. Meanwhile, I also told him that he did a good job saying 'No' to that uncle.

If you ask me, I am a very proud mother since this incident. And I am happy that my son knows that he can say 'No' and that it's alright and that we have his back always.

This incident has also reaffirmed my belief that it is never too soon or early to teach a child about good touch and bad touch. I have always taught him the real names of all his body parts and keep telling him what is good touch and what is not and what he needs to do if anyone touches him where he doesn't like or any other place. We also have a little quiz session time to time where he asks me as to who all can touch or kiss him and I tell him a yes or a no plainly.

Call me paranoid, but I know that I cannot be with my son 24*7 always. I know that he will have to go out and meet new people and not everyone will be good, so to say. And I know that if my son knows how to deal with such situations, I will have to worry a little less probably.

On the other hand, I also do not like complete strangers pulling his cheeks and neither does he. Saying no to them probably sounds rude, but I'd rather be rude than polite at the cost of the comfort of my little one. Better still, I carry him. So, the closer he is to me, lesser chances of strangers walking up to harass him (Yes, I call this harassment! Would an adult like getting their cheeks pulled by a stranger? No. Then why a little child who can barely express their likes and dislikes?)

So, yes, when my son stood up for himself and said "No", all at 2.5 years of age, I was a happy mother. And I know that all those conversations between us, mostly one-sided, have been of use.

So, all parents reading this, teach your little ones about their bodies with the real names. Tell them about good and bad touch and teach them how to say No. Most importantly, respect them for saying it and listen to them.

It is one of the biggest life lessons we need to teach and learn too :)

You're the Best Mom!

Why do we compare? Who do we compare with? What are the standards? Who set those standards?

No, there's so definite definition to being a mother. If there is any, that's being the best mother. Because all mothers are the best. None can be any less. We all fight for our children and love them to bits.

Can love be measured? No.
Can our struggles be less than someone else's? No.

Each one loves. Each one fights.

Then why put yourself up against standards that don't exist? Why think that what you've done may not be enough? You're doing the best you can. And only you know the best for your child.

So, sit back. Take a break from judging yourself. Look at the awesome marvels you've created. Aren't they just perfect? Yes. Because you created them. Because you're the best. The best mother for your children.

Working Parents' Dilemma - Who to Leave The Little One with?

When I quit my full time job, over four year ago, everyone had some advice for me. No, no baby was on the cards then and I had done it simply because I felt it was time to test new waters and tread forbidden paths. Of course, none of that was possible without the support of my husband, who stood by my decision.

Meanwhile, I completed another Post Graduation course and started a little venture in writing. At any given day, I was working at least 10-12 hours. Work flourished and time flew. Almost 2 years later, we were blessed with Prabir. However, I continued working. I have changed gears since and started another retail venture too. Yet, my primary responsibility is my son, with whom I stay 24x7.

While, I have the luxury to stay at home, look after my son and work as well, many others do not. After a stipulated maternity break, most have to join back work. You are ridden with fear, guilt and may be remorse. Yet, quitting your job may not be an option for various reasons.

To say that working mothers are not involved with their children completely would be unfair. I have seen mothers, and fathers, keeping a check on their children while at work. They ensure their children eat and sleep on time and even take leaves to be with them during exams etc.

With nuclear families on the rise, the most worrisome issue that remains is who to leave the child with, when you have to join back. A friend had asked me to venture on this topic a couple of months back. And after a lot of reading and discussions with friends in different situations, here is what I could come up with.

The options are immense:

• With either grandparent(s)
• At home, with a full time maid/nanny
• Enrol in a creche or daycare

Each one comes with their pros and cons.

• With grandparents

PROS:

1. Your child is in loving and caring hands.
2. You can be rest assured they are fed well and a routine is followed.
3. This also ensures a lot of quality time as children learn from their grandparents.
4. It is financially beneficial too.

CONS

1. Generation gap 
2. Difference in parenting styles may lead to stress and conflict.
3. Over-caring attitude may lead to discipline issues later.
4. The child may be plonked in front of the TV, longer that you'd like.
5. They may not have the energy and stamina to take care of a growing toddler.

What you can do:

1. Have an open discussion before you embark on this arrangement on what is okay. Sleep schedule, food menu etc can be given in written so that there's no confusion.
2. Grandparents love pampering and feeding little ones. However, occasional treats is different from giving candies or a piece of cake during lunch time.
3. Most importantly, respect each other. Instead of telling them what not to do, you can always tell them how to do it differently. 
4. Let the grandparent take care of the child while you're home so that they get a fair idea about the routine of the baby.
5. Call often to check how things are. That gives you an idea how much the baby and the grandparent are able to cope with. You can even then think of hiring a part timer to help, without really offending the grandparents. Taking care of a baby is an exhausting job!
6. Be flexible and take it easy. You might feel bad when the grandparent knows exactly what to do to soothe your little one when they throw a tantrum at dinner time or bed time. But then, that's because they are spending more waking hours with the baby.
7. Have a consistent set of rules that everyone follows. This way, the child will not get confused either.

• At home, with a full time maid or nanny

PROS:

1. Your child stays in the comfort of home.
2. You are able to monitor their meals.
3. There's more sense of control

CONS:

1. You may be left in the lurch if and when the nanny calls in sick or takes leave.
2. They are usually not educated. They could know the basics of child care, but may be adamant on following practices that may be harmful for the baby.
3. Supervision may be difficult, despite installing nanny cameras.

What you can do:

1. Hire a nanny with very strong reference credentials.
2. Try and work out some arrangement where a family member is home with the child and nanny.
3. Do a very strong background check.
4. Train the nanny for at least a month under your supervision.

• A creche or daycare

PROS:

1. These are regulated and a bit more accountable.
2. You can monitor activities through CCTV cameras now.
3. The caregivers are usually educated and trained.
4. Children get to socialize with other kids.

CONS:

1. Divided attention as there are more children to take care of.
2. It is difficult to find day cares that would take infants as little as 6 months old.
3. Children tend to get sick often in a daycare.
4. The pick and drop timings can be pretty rigid.

What you can do:

1. Look for a facility closer to your home or workplace, whichever is more feasible.
2. Check the safety standards before finalizing. The place should be child friendly. You must also want to have a detailed discussion about meals, milk, naps, toilet training, screen time, play time, medical emergency etc.
3. Again, look for a reputed place, based on feedback from friends/peers/colleagues who are or have taken their services.

Caring for a child is an exhaustive job. I know as I have been at it for a little over 2.5 years with not a single day leave as yet. Yet, I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to spend all my time with my little one.

Leaving your little one in another person's care is a difficult decision to take, and unavoidable to. But, if we consider our situation with the pros and cons, we will be better equipped to take the most suitable decision that will work for both the baby and the parents.

Hope, I have been able to help a bit here :)