Raising Prabir - Humour All the Way

We had gone to see my skin specialist this Tuesday. The clinic is quite a distance from here and I was using the GPS on our way back.

At a point, the GPS voice-over said, "After 200 meters, make a U-turn."

Prabir immediately responded, "GPS Aunty, 'Take a U-turn. We need not 'make' a U-turn. It is already there!"

And like every other time, he had his Mumma almost rolling over laughing while driving. Dangerous...aint it! 

You're the Best Mom!

Why do we compare? Who do we compare with? What are the standards? Who set those standards?

No, there's so definite definition to being a mother. If there is any, that's being the best mother. Because all mothers are the best. None can be any less. We all fight for our children and love them to bits.

Can love be measured? No.
Can our struggles be less than someone else's? No.

Each one loves. Each one fights.

Then why put yourself up against standards that don't exist? Why think that what you've done may not be enough? You're doing the best you can. And only you know the best for your child.

So, sit back. Take a break from judging yourself. Look at the awesome marvels you've created. Aren't they just perfect? Yes. Because you created them. Because you're the best. The best mother for your children.

Here's How YOU can Help a New Maa :)

When Prabir arrived, I was overwhelmed and knew little how to go about things around me. Even regular and routine things became big tasks as I struggled and fumbled as a new Maa.

And isn't that what happens everywhere? When a new baby arrives, there's a flutter in every heart around. From the new parents to new aunties, uncles, grand mothers and grand fathers, everyone wants the new baby to be comfortable and happy.

However, often, we tend to ignore the new Maa who needs equal love and help. Had it not been for my two sisters and bua (paternal aunt), we (hubs and I) would not have been able to manage. And for all that they've done for me, I'd be forever indebted.

So, if there's a new baby in your home or if one's arriving soon, here are a few ways you can make things better for the new parents and child. 

Help prepare the hospital bag - The expecting mother would need help in her shopping trips to get the bag packed. You could also divide the items in the list and volunteer to buy them after the baby arrives, as many cultures do not allow you to shop before the baby is born. 

Help arrange the nursery/wardrobe - The new entrant would need space of their own. It becomes difficult and tiring for an expecting mommy to bend or sit for long hours in the run up to labour. Not to mention that it's almost impossible to do it when the baby finally arrives. So, go ahead and help stack diapers and clothes for the little one. Set up the little one's crib and arrange their little cot. You have no idea how much it'll help. 

Pick out the stuff for mumma and baby every morning along with other regular things- These things might sound too small, but trust me, they go a long way for a sleep deprived new Maa. My younger sister would pick out clothes for us every morning. I got so used to it that it was difficult doing it myself after she left. There are many other things here that you can do like stacking the diaper/nappies pile, getting the laundry done, keeping things within the mother's reach, etc . These are little, but count a lot.

Volunteer to rock and hold the baby - Babies know their others right from the day they are born. Prabir would not be calm with anyone else, but me, for the first few months. Yet, there were times I needed to get some time off, even if that meant 5 precious minutes. My aunt would hold him in his favorite position, while my elder sister would rock Prabir and even sing the same lullaby as I put my feet up for some rest. So, pick up cues when the new Maa would like some help with rocking or holding the baby.  

Get going with the household chores - A new Maa would forever be indebted to one who'd take over the household chores for her. My bua did that and I cannot thank her enough. Not only did that help me establish a bond with my newborn, but also got a good and balanced diet that a breastfeeding mother should have. 

Spend time with the new mother - Post partum depression is real. I too did go through it, though slightly, but thanks to my support system, I was able to push through it. Just talking it all out and talking and laughing at things other than this new phase can help a new Maa feel so much better. 

Surprises are always nice - Yes, shopping trips are bare minimum, if at all, for a new mother. And whoever visits, only brings gifts for the little one. While I love all gifts that come my son's way, the little sweet things someone got me some time or another was thoughtful and precious too. A chocolate bar counts too.

While one may not think much of these things as you read, but ask any mother and she'll recall exactly how people around her helped her when she gave birth.

A good support system can help a new mother function so much better. And most of us, especially in India, are gifted with it as our folks would come flying to us, at extremely short notice, just to be there. Such things not only help the new mother care better for her little one and herself, but also strengthens the bond between you and her.

Hear.... but Do Not Listen!

Hear everybody out, but do not listen. This has probably been one of the best advices I got after giving birth. 

During and after pregnancy, you're hoarded with so many do's and don't's that you either get thoroughly confused or blindly follow each and every thing told to you. I went and am still going through the same phase. The worst is when these come from those who you thought would know better.

• Don't eat brinjals, else your baby will be dark. Really? The fact is that brinjal is heavy to digest and may cause acidity. However,  the baby's complexion is purely genetic and has nothing to do with brinjal! 
  
  
• Have milk with saffron to ensure that the baby is fair. Again!  To something like this, I'd say that we should even start applying Fair n Lovely on the baby bump!!
  
  
• Eat for two as you need the extra calories for another person growing within you. The fact is that you need to eat just about 250-300 extra calories, so an extra chapati in lunch and a sandwich in the evening would suffice. Eating for two would only leave you with too much of the extra weight you would find difficult to get rid of.
  
  
• Acidity or heartburn is due to the baby's (in the womb) growing hair! Now, how is that possible? In fact, acidity is a common problem during pregnancy.
  
  
• Rest as much as possible and do not exercise. Well, while excessive exercise and heavy weightlifting is an absolute no, regular walk and exercise is important for a healthy pregnancy.
  
  
• Eating ghee and butter would help in normal delivery. This happens through muscle contractions and the ghee and butter do absolutely nothing to smoothen the baby's track (if that is the logic)! It will only give you extra kilos you would find difficult to shed later.
  
  
• Watching an eclipse is bad for the baby. When my father first got the news, the first thing he called to tell me was that there was an eclipse on August 25 around midnight and I shouldn't be out then. An eclipse is said to harm the baby and cause a deformity. Well, I surely wasn't loitering around at midnight then; however, a baby is well protected in the mother's womb to be harmed by an eclipse.
  
  
• Itching the baby bump would cause stretch marks. As the skin stretches, some of us experience itching; however, it is not related to stretch marks in any way. Unless you are one of the lucky few, you will have the tiger marks during and after birth. While some oils and creams are said to reduce them, there's no way to prevent them completely.
  
  
• The day you conceive determines the sex of the child. If so, then whatever happened to the X and Y thing we learned in school!
  
  
• If the fetal heart rate is slow, it's a boy, else a girl. To be honest, I always heard horses racing during the visits to the doc and I have a baby boy :)

• You will not have enough milk as you don't drink as much milk! Now, how is this even related? A cow eats grass (and all sorts of junk), right?
  
  
• As the baby starts speaking, your hair fall will increase. Hair fall post the baby's birth is due to the hormone withdrawal that takes place then. Guess, this myth came into being as it's at the same time when a baby starts babbling too.
  
  
• You and the baby should not go out for the first 40 days after birth. Well, even I have been confined in the house during this period. There's only so much you can do to fight off such myths. In other countries, though, babies as old as a couple of weeks even go grocery shopping. However, this myth does give you time to regain strength and allow the child to adjust to the world outside, while keeping you both away from infections.
  
  
• Avoid working on the computer or reading after giving birth as that weakens the eye. I have not taken a day's break from work since delivery and haven't had my eyes checked since either :)

These were a few that I could rattle off without much thinking. That's as much you can expect from a sleep-deprived mother :)

Go on and add those you may have heard (or even suffered) :)

Will be back soon. Till then, take care and stay precious :)

What YOU 'd Need as a New Maa :)

(Image: Google)

With your expected delivery date (EDD) close, you're sure to be bombarded with the list of things you need to buy for the coming baby. Even various stores and shops will hand you a list of essentials, which of course is their way of telling you that they have everything available. As for you, from wraps to diapers, you'll cross check it all every day to ensure that you have everything set.

As my EDD approached, I, too, was all set with the hospital bag and everything else. And I believed that was all that was required. However, during the first few days after returning from the hospital, there were so many things I wished I had bought earlier. The fact is that no one tells expecting moms what are those things that we, as a new Maa, would need. I was lucky to have my younger sister to help me get the stuff I needed.

So, here are a few things that I felt I should have added to my list while I was preparing for my new role.

• Front open tops and shirts, especially if you plan to breastfeed your baby.
  
  
• Comfortable lowers or track pants that would be easy to put on. These are important if you've had a cesarean delivery.
  
  
• Nursing lingerie, and ensure you have at least 4 of them. Also, you might want to buy a nursing cover that may come handy some time. 
  
  
• Breast pads - you'd need them whenever you go out, even if that's a short doc visit.
  
  
• Buy/keep clothes that you can wear post delivery. You wouldn't want to be fretting out then for having nothing suitable to wear when you need to step out of your home, even if the trip is for getting your child shots.
  
  
• Invest in comfortable nightwear. If you'll be breastfeeding, they should either have a zipper at the front or you can buy the nursing ones available. If your EDD is sometime in the colder months, consider buying night suits (rather than gowns or nighties) as they are warmer and more comfortable.
  
  
• Keep a good stock of your toiletries, like shampoo, conditioner etc. You might not be able to venture out for a few weeks. Though home delivery is always an option, if you use a specific brand, make sure you have extra bottles with you.
  
  
• If there's a tradition in your family to have a small ceremony in the first week after the baby's arrival, you might want to keep a suitable dress ready as you may not be able/allowed to go shopping then.
  
  
• Buy a good flask that keeps water warm/hot for a considerable period. This will be especially handy during the night, saving you multiple trips to the kitchen. Even if you are exclusively breastfeeding and do not need the water for formula, you'd need it for wiping during diaper changes through the night. Milton is a brand I swear by. 
  
  
• Your room should also be ready for the baby. You'd need a table or a rack to keep diaper supplies close at hand. My husband got one with wheels and four shelves, which made it easy to pull it closer, when required; while the shelves are handy to keep other things like hand towels, extra clothing for the baby, medicines etc.
  
  
• Get a night lamp, if you don't have one. Also, you might want an extension to the main light close to the bed. 
  
  
• Decide on the baby's bed, almirah, etc beforehand, even if you don't want to buy one before the baby arrives. Hand over the design and other details to your husband or other family members. This way, you can focus on the new baby, while those things are taken care of as per your need/desire.
  
  
• Last, but most important! Get a haircut, manicure, pedicure etc. You never know when you'll be able to go to your parlor next. I had to wait 5 months for a haircut! And manicure/pedicure.... What's that???

These were a few things that I missed out on, and, gradually, got them sorted. With you being on your toes constantly in your new role, there will be lesser time to focus on yourself. My next post would be about how I scrape out some time for... 'Myself'!

Till then, take care and stay precious :)

Breastfeeding - A Big Deal?

Image Courtesy - Google

This title would certainly raise many brows. Before I begin, I'd clarify that this post is not about being judgemental about whether you choose to breastfeed your child. It is only an attempt to understand why it's become such a big issue.

These days, every time I meet some family or friend, I'm asked whether I've started other foods yet or introduced the bottle. On being told that my son is exclusively breastfed, many are surprised while some are shocked. 'How do you manage? Don't you give a bottle at night either?'

To be honest, I'm equally surprised at such reactions. While I understand that many mothers aren't able to feed their baby due to less or no milk production or because they have to join back work, I didn't have any such reason not to do it. I work from home and am with my baby 24x7. Moreover, exclusive breastfeeding is the first and the most important thing I can do for my child. And if I can do it, then why not? As my baby grows up, I'll get back the long stretches of sleep but never will his first few months return.

Why is it that breastfeeding is considered so difficult now? It's not the baby's needs that have changed, but the life of a woman. We, now, have our jobs and careers, and a life beyond the walls of our home. And it does become difficult to cope with the baby's demands. Families, too, have become smaller and more often than not, there are no grandma's or others to help you with your household chores, which makes this even more tiring. Moreover, breastfeeding doesn't stop at 6 months, it is weaned off gradually and can go on till your baby is 2 years. Every baby is different and the weaning period also differs.

Breastfeeding your baby also puts many restrictions on you. For instance, I rarely go out now. And the first criteria for me to venture out for a long time is to check and ensure that the place I'm going to has space for me to feed my baby. If the latter is an issue or the commuting time is too long, I prefer not to go.

However, there are so many advantages to breastfeeding that can simply not be overlooked. Mother's milk is packed with all the essential nutrients and enzymes that are very important for your child. Moreover, all that immunity you've built in your lifetime is passed in to your child through breastfeeding. While formula milk may be an alternative, it can never be a substitute or a replacement. I know mothers who give their babies formula milk along with breastfeed just so that the baby gets habituated to the bottle. I personally feel that it's just not required. You have all the time to change habits, but those first 6 months are precious. Your baby needs mother's milk and that's all. Like my hubs says, "Breastmilk can never go wrong!"

Then there are others who feel that giving the bottle at night gives you longer gaps between feeds. The fact is that's not really true. Studies have shown that breastfeeding at night helps regulate the baby's body clock and they're able to sleep for a stretch, waking up only for feeds in between. Moreover, breastfeeding helps develop a sense of security that helps the baby sleep better. Of course, sometimes, my son just wants his mumma close to him and nothing else, but then I'm not complaining. The feeling you get when your child is so close to you is simply irreplaceable.

So yes, it is very demanding, but for nothing in the world would I exchange it. Because for me, this is my time with my son, and I'll never get these precious moments back when it's just him and me. One of the best things I can give to my son is the gift of good health and that begins with breastfeeding.

What do you feel about breastfeeding? Have you also countered questions about your choice to breastfeed or not? Do share.

Will follow up with a post on how underrated breastfeeding is. 

Till then, take care and stay precious :)