Raising Prabir - A Telephone Conversation

Prabir on a pretend-play call with his imaginary friend DD. The monologue went something like this:

"Yes, DD. Tum aa rahe ho mere ghar? Tumhe raasta pata hai? Nahi...? Main bataata huin raasta. Yahaan se Wahaan!"

(Transalated - "Yes, DD. Are you coming home? Do you know the way? No..? I will tell you the way. From here to there!")

That friend will never reach our home, it seems! 😂😂😂😂😂

Raising Prabir - A beautiful morning

Our househelp took a break from mopping the floor to have a cup of tea. While she stood with her cup near the kitchen door,  Prabir rushed to his room. He emerged with a little stool and kept it near her, asking her to sit.

Sitting at the dining table, sipping my coffee and simply taking in what just happened, I smiled as my eyes welled up. There's something somewhere I did do right as his mother.

Raising Prabir

Toddlers are fun and full of surprises.  As Prabir is growing up,  he's  picking new words.

We just returned from dinner.

A conversation that ensued just now verbatim.

Me- So, did you like the dinner?
Prabir - Yesss
Me- Is your tummy full?
P- Yesss
Me- What did you like the best?
P- zedzed
Me- I'm asking what did you like the best in dinner?
P- zedzed
Me- Red red? What's that?
P- Mummmaaaaaa zedzed......meethha!!!
Me- zedzed... You mean dessert!!!

Now,  that's some English, my boy!

Motherhood isn't all Giggles & Cuddles!

There.... I said it!

Yes, you have a tiny one to cuddle and play silly with all day, but motherhood is beyond that. While you bask in the endless baby talks and the sweet baby scent, you realize gradually that you are the sole one responsible for the well being of this little one too. And just when you 'think' you have it all figured and sorted out, the challenges change.

And the worst part is that there is no rule book to follow, no sage advice to guide you, and no precedence to look up to for a solution.

Is motherhood easy? Well, just yesterday morning, I was crying bucketful of tears and only wanted to go somewhere far far away. Somewhere where there'd be no one to calling out 'Mumma' every fraction of a second.

So, yes, motherhood is challenging! A few ways I cope, rather try to!

P.S: I'm almost always near the brim just about to sink in and yet managing to stay afloat!

• Breathe! Yes. B........r........e.........a........t.........h..........e..............
  
• Celebrate little moments. Your baby burped quickly? Dance a bit. Self fed without much mess? Do a little gig. Pooped in the potty seat? Now that calls for a big celebration!!! Rejoice. Celebrate. Smile. Laugh.
  
  The other night I was literally dancing after putting Prabir to bed at 8.30 pm, while my husband stared in amusement. Trust me, only a mother can rejoice and celebrate things like these!
  
• Nurture a hobby or that long forgotten passion. For me, it's reading and writing. Not that you'll find the time to do it seriously enough, but a few moments away (mentally) do work.
  
• Focus, prioritize and leave what's not humanly possible. Period. Let people think. Let people judge. You are doing your best and you need not prove it all the time. The laundry can wait and so can the endless cupboards that need dusting.
  
• Delegate work. Hire help wherever possible. Gives you a little more time from the same 24 hours.
  
• Look for support. Seek help. Online or offline...doesn't matter. Meet old friends and make new ones. Though I can't brag to have an awesome social life, so to say, I do have an extremely strong network of mothers who are my soul sisters now. Not a day can pass without their love and support!

• Put on the music. It helps. It distracts. It changes the mood. And doesn't obstruct your work either.
  
• Be easy on yourself. Yes, you are a mommy. Not a superwoman. That's another thing that your little one(s) see a cape and a halo around you!
  
• Shut your eyes for a few moments every few hours. Even 30 seconds help.
  
• Most importantly, love yourself. Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed, even if that just means putting on a pair of washed Pj's and tee. Brush your hair. Put on some moisturizer or even some kohl or kajal. And give that beautiful woman in the mirror a good admiring look every day.
  

Motherhood is beautiful. But equally taxing and nerve-wrecking. Every morning, I brace myself  for yet another day. But then, I remind myself that the days may be long while the years are too short. And these little cuddly babies grow up just too soon.

Love them with all your being, but don't lose yourself in the process :)

Teaching about Good and Bad Touch & How to say NO!

We, Prabir and I, were at a store looking at backpacks. While I was busy looking at the designs being shown by a salesman, Prabir was exploring the suitcases and bags kept nearby.

Suddenly, I heard Prabir say 'NO' pretty loudly. I turned towards him and he told me that the uncle was touching his cheeks and so he said 'No'. I immediately asked the salesman not to do it and picked Prabir and made him sit near me. Meanwhile, I also told him that he did a good job saying 'No' to that uncle.

If you ask me, I am a very proud mother since this incident. And I am happy that my son knows that he can say 'No' and that it's alright and that we have his back always.

This incident has also reaffirmed my belief that it is never too soon or early to teach a child about good touch and bad touch. I have always taught him the real names of all his body parts and keep telling him what is good touch and what is not and what he needs to do if anyone touches him where he doesn't like or any other place. We also have a little quiz session time to time where he asks me as to who all can touch or kiss him and I tell him a yes or a no plainly.

Call me paranoid, but I know that I cannot be with my son 24*7 always. I know that he will have to go out and meet new people and not everyone will be good, so to say. And I know that if my son knows how to deal with such situations, I will have to worry a little less probably.

On the other hand, I also do not like complete strangers pulling his cheeks and neither does he. Saying no to them probably sounds rude, but I'd rather be rude than polite at the cost of the comfort of my little one. Better still, I carry him. So, the closer he is to me, lesser chances of strangers walking up to harass him (Yes, I call this harassment! Would an adult like getting their cheeks pulled by a stranger? No. Then why a little child who can barely express their likes and dislikes?)

So, yes, when my son stood up for himself and said "No", all at 2.5 years of age, I was a happy mother. And I know that all those conversations between us, mostly one-sided, have been of use.

So, all parents reading this, teach your little ones about their bodies with the real names. Tell them about good and bad touch and teach them how to say No. Most importantly, respect them for saying it and listen to them.

It is one of the biggest life lessons we need to teach and learn too :)

You're the Best Mom!

Why do we compare? Who do we compare with? What are the standards? Who set those standards?

No, there's so definite definition to being a mother. If there is any, that's being the best mother. Because all mothers are the best. None can be any less. We all fight for our children and love them to bits.

Can love be measured? No.
Can our struggles be less than someone else's? No.

Each one loves. Each one fights.

Then why put yourself up against standards that don't exist? Why think that what you've done may not be enough? You're doing the best you can. And only you know the best for your child.

So, sit back. Take a break from judging yourself. Look at the awesome marvels you've created. Aren't they just perfect? Yes. Because you created them. Because you're the best. The best mother for your children.

Working Parents' Dilemma - Who to Leave The Little One with?

When I quit my full time job, over four year ago, everyone had some advice for me. No, no baby was on the cards then and I had done it simply because I felt it was time to test new waters and tread forbidden paths. Of course, none of that was possible without the support of my husband, who stood by my decision.

Meanwhile, I completed another Post Graduation course and started a little venture in writing. At any given day, I was working at least 10-12 hours. Work flourished and time flew. Almost 2 years later, we were blessed with Prabir. However, I continued working. I have changed gears since and started another retail venture too. Yet, my primary responsibility is my son, with whom I stay 24x7.

While, I have the luxury to stay at home, look after my son and work as well, many others do not. After a stipulated maternity break, most have to join back work. You are ridden with fear, guilt and may be remorse. Yet, quitting your job may not be an option for various reasons.

To say that working mothers are not involved with their children completely would be unfair. I have seen mothers, and fathers, keeping a check on their children while at work. They ensure their children eat and sleep on time and even take leaves to be with them during exams etc.

With nuclear families on the rise, the most worrisome issue that remains is who to leave the child with, when you have to join back. A friend had asked me to venture on this topic a couple of months back. And after a lot of reading and discussions with friends in different situations, here is what I could come up with.

The options are immense:

• With either grandparent(s)
• At home, with a full time maid/nanny
• Enrol in a creche or daycare

Each one comes with their pros and cons.

• With grandparents

PROS:

1. Your child is in loving and caring hands.
2. You can be rest assured they are fed well and a routine is followed.
3. This also ensures a lot of quality time as children learn from their grandparents.
4. It is financially beneficial too.

CONS

1. Generation gap 
2. Difference in parenting styles may lead to stress and conflict.
3. Over-caring attitude may lead to discipline issues later.
4. The child may be plonked in front of the TV, longer that you'd like.
5. They may not have the energy and stamina to take care of a growing toddler.

What you can do:

1. Have an open discussion before you embark on this arrangement on what is okay. Sleep schedule, food menu etc can be given in written so that there's no confusion.
2. Grandparents love pampering and feeding little ones. However, occasional treats is different from giving candies or a piece of cake during lunch time.
3. Most importantly, respect each other. Instead of telling them what not to do, you can always tell them how to do it differently. 
4. Let the grandparent take care of the child while you're home so that they get a fair idea about the routine of the baby.
5. Call often to check how things are. That gives you an idea how much the baby and the grandparent are able to cope with. You can even then think of hiring a part timer to help, without really offending the grandparents. Taking care of a baby is an exhausting job!
6. Be flexible and take it easy. You might feel bad when the grandparent knows exactly what to do to soothe your little one when they throw a tantrum at dinner time or bed time. But then, that's because they are spending more waking hours with the baby.
7. Have a consistent set of rules that everyone follows. This way, the child will not get confused either.

• At home, with a full time maid or nanny

PROS:

1. Your child stays in the comfort of home.
2. You are able to monitor their meals.
3. There's more sense of control

CONS:

1. You may be left in the lurch if and when the nanny calls in sick or takes leave.
2. They are usually not educated. They could know the basics of child care, but may be adamant on following practices that may be harmful for the baby.
3. Supervision may be difficult, despite installing nanny cameras.

What you can do:

1. Hire a nanny with very strong reference credentials.
2. Try and work out some arrangement where a family member is home with the child and nanny.
3. Do a very strong background check.
4. Train the nanny for at least a month under your supervision.

• A creche or daycare

PROS:

1. These are regulated and a bit more accountable.
2. You can monitor activities through CCTV cameras now.
3. The caregivers are usually educated and trained.
4. Children get to socialize with other kids.

CONS:

1. Divided attention as there are more children to take care of.
2. It is difficult to find day cares that would take infants as little as 6 months old.
3. Children tend to get sick often in a daycare.
4. The pick and drop timings can be pretty rigid.

What you can do:

1. Look for a facility closer to your home or workplace, whichever is more feasible.
2. Check the safety standards before finalizing. The place should be child friendly. You must also want to have a detailed discussion about meals, milk, naps, toilet training, screen time, play time, medical emergency etc.
3. Again, look for a reputed place, based on feedback from friends/peers/colleagues who are or have taken their services.

Caring for a child is an exhaustive job. I know as I have been at it for a little over 2.5 years with not a single day leave as yet. Yet, I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to spend all my time with my little one.

Leaving your little one in another person's care is a difficult decision to take, and unavoidable to. But, if we consider our situation with the pros and cons, we will be better equipped to take the most suitable decision that will work for both the baby and the parents.

Hope, I have been able to help a bit here :)