The 'Me' in My Child

We were in the last leg of our Founders' Day celebration rehearsals with every move being perfected by our coaches. Mr. Colvin stood at the railing above the ground while Mr. Hatwal was giving us the beats on the drum. One slight wrong or fidget move meant being called out by Mr. Colvin. He was at quite a distance and I was intrigued how he could observe something as little as a twitch from that far away. Curiosity did get the better of me and I tucked a little stray strand of hair behind the ear, very intentionally, but ever so discreetly. Within fraction of a second, I was called out!

A couple of decades down to last evening. Prabir, my 5 year old, is down with seasonal cold and cough and I measured and kept the syrups in the caps front of him, asking him to drink them up while I went to put away the medicines. On turning, I see him pouring water from his cup in the caps, as the mix of the syrups and water flowed generously all over the table. I. Was.  Furious! In moments like these, I have to remind myself all the tenets of gentle parenting. For scream I will, though I know it isn't what I am supposed to do. 

Meanwhile, Prabir knew he'd triggered the monster in his mother and looked up sheepishly. But then, I saw something more than just guilt in those eyes. That look in those eyes belonged to the younger me, the one I would have had in those moments when I defied rules and instructions just to know the "what if"! I saw the same streak in my son, that curiosity to know "what if"! I quietly threw away the water and repoured the medicines in the cap, wiped the table and asked Prabir to drink it up, in as calm a tone as I could manage.

This isn't a one-off incident. As he is growing and realizing that he has a mind of his own, he's even more curious, intrigued, impatient, angrier et all. And I'm fumbling. Because I know now what exactly I am dealing with here and it's not going to be easy. With both of my parents gone to the better world a long time ago, I have no references to look up or speak to. 

However, there's one thing here I know and am sure of. I know exactly how he feels and what must be going on in his mind when he behaves this way. Because I know how the younger me felt and what went on in my mind then. I was reprimanded, scolded, and even caned more than a few times when I tried to know the "what ifs" then. And then I hid stuff. I hid incidents. I hid myself. Because I was scared. Scared of being told off. Scared of being scolded. Scared of being punished.

So, I know exactly what I SHOULD NOT do. 

Yes, there will be times when the human in me will get a better off of the patient mother I try to be. There will be times when I will question my gentle parenting approach. There will be moments (and there are plenty!) when I would want to bang my head on the nearest wall.

But after such difficult moments pass, I know that I won't have regrets. I'd know that I have done the best I could. And I'd be a much more thankful to my little one, who shows me the mirror every single day.

After all, I am just another human. And a mother.

Happy 5th Birthday, Our Little Sunshine

When it was just him and me

We never knew our hearts could contain

So much more love and dreams

Until you came!

And now...

When you turn and smile

And in your own way, you tell me

Things are just going to be okay

I see a little bit of him in you...

When you rattle off numbers and days

And memories from years gone by

Of when you were even more little

I see a little bit of me in you....

When you keep your calm

In the midst of chaos, and

Give me a solution I just couldn’t figure 

I see a little bit of him in you...

When you come crying

Because you couldn’t find a toy 

In the place it’s meant to be

I see a little bit of me in you...

When you outwit me 

With a matter-of-fact statement

And say it all with a straight face

I see a little bit of him in you...

When you widen your eyes 

With expressions and gestures so dramatic 

And yet so natural 

I see a little bit of me in you...

When you roll your eyes 

And clinch your teeth

To express your anger and yet contain it

I see a little bit of me in you...

You’re a bit of him and me 

But more of your unique self in every way

You’re every dream we’ve ever seen

The answer to all our prayers

As you’re growing by leaps and bounds

We too are growing with you every day

You’ve made us not only mumma and dadda 

But better humans in every way.

May you grow up to be a beautiful person

And flourish in all that your heart desires 

Flying and yet grounded to your roots

Spreading love and sunshine everywhere.

Happy 5th Birthday, our little Sunshine.

Mumma and Dadda love you the most ❤️❤️❤️❤️

A Note from a Stay-at-Home-Mom

Being a mother is a full time job. There's this never-ending exhaustion and admit it or not, we are often in a state of paranoia over just about every thing.

But today, this is about stay-at-home-mothers or a SAHM. Those that are often looked at with envy as we are home with kids all day without having to go do a 'real job'.

Motherhood is beautiful, but overwhelming too. Especially so when you've been going through the grind (don't kill me for that word!) for years with no actual break. Oh come on, vacations aren't really a break! You are actually doing the same thing outside the comfort of your home, which, believe me, can be more back-breaking.

While being a SAHM is more or less a choice we made, under various circumstances, most of us have worked at a point of time and have had a flourishing career too, which we gave up to do what we are doing! And in a way, lost quite a bit too - our financial independence, interacting with peers and colleagues, rising to challenges at work and overcoming them successfully... I can go on.

And yet, while others feel that we are the 'lucky' ones who just have to stay at home and don't really have to do much all day, there's so much going within us all the time!

• We have mostly forgotten our first name at times as we are mostly called Mumma or Mommy, or Mom or.... you get the drift, right?
• We are lonely. The only interaction we seem to have over days on end is with our kids and may be the house helps!
  
  
• There's no 'I' or 'Me' anymore. Even a doctor's appointment needs to be worked around others' schedules.
• We love what we do, but we also get tired of the monotony, physically and mentally.
  
  
• We yearn for a few minutes when we can just be us, not a mother nor a wife!
  
  
• Stay at home is not considered a real job as it doesn't pay you in cash, so basically we do nothing at all, as we are home all day. Cooking, cleaning and cleaning up (several times a day), running after the kids, bathing/feeding/putting them to bed, managing kitchen, groceries, running household errands etc etc don't come under any job specifications.
  
  
• We are mostly too overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time and no one ever seems to understands why.
  
  
• Our socializing hours are only during our kids' school hours (which are others' working hours). That's also the time we need to run errands that can't be done with the kids. 
  
  
• We become an emotional wreck every few days for want of some space and time to ourselves.
  
  
• And worst, talking about it all puts the blame on us as we were the ones who made this choice in the first place!

This isn't about whining or venting, but just asking to be listened to without being told how lucky we are or how thankless (oh yes, I've heard that too!).

This isn't about comparing, but a request to be considered an equal and not less. 

This isn't about any envy or sympathy, but empathising with each other.

And most importantly, this isn't to ask for appreciation for all that a SAHM does, but a little acknowledgement wouldn't do any harm, would it?

So, when we meet next time, please be a little patient if I tend to break down or go on a rant about how tired and exhausted I am. Please bear with me if I go on a monologue as it could be days or even weeks since I would've had a proper conversation with an adult. And please be kind enough to not put me down by saying I have it all easy! 

Trust me, it takes up a hell lot of me to put myself aside every moment, every day.

~A Stay-at-Home Mom

OPOS - A Magical Revolution in the Kitchen

For those who know me, know that I've never been inclined towards cooking. I can cook just enough to feed myself and my family and given the first chance, I'd gladly pass on any kitchen related work.

Well, the tables have turned. I look forward to cooking and trying new recipes every single meal! To be honest, it's not less than magical for me. And if you'd ask the secret, it's a magical technique - OPOS!!

Just imagine making just about anything, be it butter chicken, biryani, kurma or pulao, in a few minutes! And how? In a pressure cooker!! Yes, you heard it right. Opos is all about cooking food in its own juices while maximizing its nutrients and taste, and all this in a pressure cooker.

OPOS is not about cuisines, vegetarian or non vegetarian food etc, it's about techniques. And the person behind this wonderful concept is Mr Rama Krishnan, or RK Sir as most of us call him. A journey that he started over a decade ago is now a full fledged revolution and we all swear by it.

Here is Sir in his own words! A heartfelt thanks to him for agreeing for this interview.

A decade is a long time! Not many people have the courage to stick to their ideas for so long, and most quit after the first few years of non acceptance. What helped you stay put all these years? 

I'm very surprised myself. I am notorious for jumping fields. I guess I realised at the back of my mind that something really nice is shaping up. I would also like to believe this was my destiny! 🙂

What is the biggest challenge you've faced in all these years? (Any such moment where you felt that all that you've invested would yield nothing?)

When feedbacks were totally inconsistent. Some would rave. Others would slam. This had me completely puzzled. Do these techniques work or not? I was not sure. 

And the Eureka moment in this long journey?

1. Realisation that themes underlie all cuisines.

2. Realisation that food needs to be pressure cooked in its own juices, at the highest possible heat for the lowest possible time to intensify natural colour, taste, flavour and texture.  

Who's the first person who believed in you and Opos?

A small group comprising of Chitra Viswanathan, Varalekshmy Raghavan, Majula Natarajan, Saraswathy Jayaraman, Shymala Srivatsan and a few others.

You've mentioned that it's been the difficulty of trying recipes in cookbooks that made you look for something that any novice could make themself a meal. How did a pressure cooker come in your mind? What made you feel it had the power to change the way food is cooked? 

After spending a decade on writing One Page cookbooks, I could see no one was using it. It took a few more years to realise this is because there is no way to translate the recipes into food consistently. It later dawned that for the results to be consistent, the equipment needs to be consistent. And pressure cooker fitted the bill perfectly!

Your determination and focus are inspiring! Who inspires you?

People who suffer for want of food, in the midst of plenty. People who waste enourmous labour, fuel and food to cook up simple dishes.

Who's that one person who always has your back, no matter how crazy the ideas get or how worse the time?

The OPOStars! 

It's like the dawn of a new era in cooking with Opos. Did you ever have a premonition that this would happen? 

Not consciously. But I guess the subconscious belief was what kept me motivated all along, when I had no followers / no one trying the techniques.

What do you like doing when you aren't trying out new Opos recipes? 

Hang out with friends. Read. Travel. I love lazing for days doing absolutely nothing.

How is RK as a person after he takes off the chef's hat at the end of a day?

Difficult. Unpredictable. Unconventional. Easily irritable. 🙂 

And one last question - who do you love cooking for (apart from yourself)?

Friends. I do it almost every other day.

If that doesn't excite you as much already, Google OPOS now or better still, check the Youtube Chef videos! You can even buy the "OPOS COOKBOOK - 5 Minute Magic" on Amazon!

To put it simply, I'm addicted to OPOS. It's given me a whole new freedom with such scrumptious food on the table every single day. Whether you're single or married, man or woman, in a nuclear family or a joint one, OPOS is for you. Try it once and you'll be hooked for life. That's an OPOS promise :)

Raising Prabir - Humour All the Way

We had gone to see my skin specialist this Tuesday. The clinic is quite a distance from here and I was using the GPS on our way back.

At a point, the GPS voice-over said, "After 200 meters, make a U-turn."

Prabir immediately responded, "GPS Aunty, 'Take a U-turn. We need not 'make' a U-turn. It is already there!"

And like every other time, he had his Mumma almost rolling over laughing while driving. Dangerous...aint it! 

Raising Prabir - A Proud Moment

Last week, I needed to visit a bank branch. Usually, I run such errands when Prabir is in school; however, with vacations on, he went with me.

Now, we mommies tend to carry an entire pantry in our handbags because no matter when, the kids will get hungry once they are out of the house, even if they've just had their meal. So, while I was talking to the bank executive, came a very familiar hunger call from behind me. I quickly handed Prabir a little tiffin of snacks and he took a chair and began eating.

And then suddenly, out of nowhere, there was this little smashing sound along with a little cry. The entire tiffin was on the floor with the snack all over while Prabir stood frozen. Immediately, the executive I was speaking to told us not to worry as he'd get someone to clean it up. I went on to pick a little out of the way. By then though, my little boy was down on his knees, picking up each bit in his little hands. He then asked the executive where the dustbin was. The executive pulled back his chair back and moved the dustbin towards Prabir, who went on to pick every bit from the floor and put it in the dustbin.

All this while, the others in the bank, including the bank manager were watching Prabir. And I, a very proud mother, stood there smiling with a little lump in my throat. I, somehow, remembered to capture the moment much later. And I'm so glad I was able to.

It's these little moments that make it all so worth it. They reassure me that I'm doing something right somewhere. And they make me so so proud to be the mother of this wonderful boy!

In the picture is Prabir putting the last bit in the dustbin.

A Letter to My Son - On Your First Day of School

My Shona,

It's a big day tomorrow. It's your big day! For tomorrow, you begin a brand new journey that will teach you so much, carve and mould your personality and take you places. This journey also means venturing out from the comfort and security of your home, as well as the paranoia of your mumma.

You're super excited, as any toddler would be. You've ensured your bag is packed and picked the tiffin you're going to take too. In fact, you wanted to go to school right away (at 8.30 pm!), but this mother of yours put you to bed instead.

To say that mumma is excited wouldn't really be very apt. Your mumma is super nervous and jittery. If course, it might not be a big deal for others as every child eventually goes to school, but only you and I know how critical and big a moment this is for both of us.

We've not been apart for more than a couple of hours in all these three and a half years, and that too you've only been with your Dadda. To put it in short, we both are like Velcro, isn't it?

Your second home, your school, will teach you a lot and give you plenty of friends. I wish that you also learn the basic life skills as you learn what the books have to offer to you. Always be kind, betu, with everyone, irrespective of everything. And learn humility. No work is big or small, neither is any profession. Treat everyone with respect always, like you do now. Thank a person when you should and apologize when you need to. To make it big in life, it's important to be a good human first.

It's going to be fun out there, betu, and a little crazy too. While this journey is long and often challenging, it's super adventurous, I assure you! You'll tread new paths. You'll falter. You'll learn. You'll grow.

And as you spread your wings and embrace the teachings from your teachers and create new relationships, your mumma and Dadda will have your back always, at every step and in every decision. Put your heart in everything you do and believe me, the rest will simply follow. For only where your heart is, you can invest all the required time, dedication, and effort. As you strive to achieve your goals and fulfil your dreams, remember our love for you will not waver with your grades or your rank. You are our world and in your happiness, lies ours.

Go on, my little sunshine. Do not fret. Do not be afraid. This world is beautiful and will be even better as you step into it. Spread your love and laughter everywhere. Live every moment to the fullest and never cease to learn.

You are our rockstar! We love you!

~Mumma