Here's How YOU can Help a New Maa :)

When Prabir arrived, I was overwhelmed and knew little how to go about things around me. Even regular and routine things became big tasks as I struggled and fumbled as a new Maa.

And isn't that what happens everywhere? When a new baby arrives, there's a flutter in every heart around. From the new parents to new aunties, uncles, grand mothers and grand fathers, everyone wants the new baby to be comfortable and happy.

However, often, we tend to ignore the new Maa who needs equal love and help. Had it not been for my two sisters and bua (paternal aunt), we (hubs and I) would not have been able to manage. And for all that they've done for me, I'd be forever indebted.

So, if there's a new baby in your home or if one's arriving soon, here are a few ways you can make things better for the new parents and child. 

Help prepare the hospital bag - The expecting mother would need help in her shopping trips to get the bag packed. You could also divide the items in the list and volunteer to buy them after the baby arrives, as many cultures do not allow you to shop before the baby is born. 

Help arrange the nursery/wardrobe - The new entrant would need space of their own. It becomes difficult and tiring for an expecting mommy to bend or sit for long hours in the run up to labour. Not to mention that it's almost impossible to do it when the baby finally arrives. So, go ahead and help stack diapers and clothes for the little one. Set up the little one's crib and arrange their little cot. You have no idea how much it'll help. 

Pick out the stuff for mumma and baby every morning along with other regular things- These things might sound too small, but trust me, they go a long way for a sleep deprived new Maa. My younger sister would pick out clothes for us every morning. I got so used to it that it was difficult doing it myself after she left. There are many other things here that you can do like stacking the diaper/nappies pile, getting the laundry done, keeping things within the mother's reach, etc . These are little, but count a lot.

Volunteer to rock and hold the baby - Babies know their others right from the day they are born. Prabir would not be calm with anyone else, but me, for the first few months. Yet, there were times I needed to get some time off, even if that meant 5 precious minutes. My aunt would hold him in his favorite position, while my elder sister would rock Prabir and even sing the same lullaby as I put my feet up for some rest. So, pick up cues when the new Maa would like some help with rocking or holding the baby.  

Get going with the household chores - A new Maa would forever be indebted to one who'd take over the household chores for her. My bua did that and I cannot thank her enough. Not only did that help me establish a bond with my newborn, but also got a good and balanced diet that a breastfeeding mother should have. 

Spend time with the new mother - Post partum depression is real. I too did go through it, though slightly, but thanks to my support system, I was able to push through it. Just talking it all out and talking and laughing at things other than this new phase can help a new Maa feel so much better. 

Surprises are always nice - Yes, shopping trips are bare minimum, if at all, for a new mother. And whoever visits, only brings gifts for the little one. While I love all gifts that come my son's way, the little sweet things someone got me some time or another was thoughtful and precious too. A chocolate bar counts too.

While one may not think much of these things as you read, but ask any mother and she'll recall exactly how people around her helped her when she gave birth.

A good support system can help a new mother function so much better. And most of us, especially in India, are gifted with it as our folks would come flying to us, at extremely short notice, just to be there. Such things not only help the new mother care better for her little one and herself, but also strengthens the bond between you and her.

Hear.... but Do Not Listen!

Hear everybody out, but do not listen. This has probably been one of the best advices I got after giving birth. 

During and after pregnancy, you're hoarded with so many do's and don't's that you either get thoroughly confused or blindly follow each and every thing told to you. I went and am still going through the same phase. The worst is when these come from those who you thought would know better.

• Don't eat brinjals, else your baby will be dark. Really? The fact is that brinjal is heavy to digest and may cause acidity. However,  the baby's complexion is purely genetic and has nothing to do with brinjal! 
  
  
• Have milk with saffron to ensure that the baby is fair. Again!  To something like this, I'd say that we should even start applying Fair n Lovely on the baby bump!!
  
  
• Eat for two as you need the extra calories for another person growing within you. The fact is that you need to eat just about 250-300 extra calories, so an extra chapati in lunch and a sandwich in the evening would suffice. Eating for two would only leave you with too much of the extra weight you would find difficult to get rid of.
  
  
• Acidity or heartburn is due to the baby's (in the womb) growing hair! Now, how is that possible? In fact, acidity is a common problem during pregnancy.
  
  
• Rest as much as possible and do not exercise. Well, while excessive exercise and heavy weightlifting is an absolute no, regular walk and exercise is important for a healthy pregnancy.
  
  
• Eating ghee and butter would help in normal delivery. This happens through muscle contractions and the ghee and butter do absolutely nothing to smoothen the baby's track (if that is the logic)! It will only give you extra kilos you would find difficult to shed later.
  
  
• Watching an eclipse is bad for the baby. When my father first got the news, the first thing he called to tell me was that there was an eclipse on August 25 around midnight and I shouldn't be out then. An eclipse is said to harm the baby and cause a deformity. Well, I surely wasn't loitering around at midnight then; however, a baby is well protected in the mother's womb to be harmed by an eclipse.
  
  
• Itching the baby bump would cause stretch marks. As the skin stretches, some of us experience itching; however, it is not related to stretch marks in any way. Unless you are one of the lucky few, you will have the tiger marks during and after birth. While some oils and creams are said to reduce them, there's no way to prevent them completely.
  
  
• The day you conceive determines the sex of the child. If so, then whatever happened to the X and Y thing we learned in school!
  
  
• If the fetal heart rate is slow, it's a boy, else a girl. To be honest, I always heard horses racing during the visits to the doc and I have a baby boy :)

• You will not have enough milk as you don't drink as much milk! Now, how is this even related? A cow eats grass (and all sorts of junk), right?
  
  
• As the baby starts speaking, your hair fall will increase. Hair fall post the baby's birth is due to the hormone withdrawal that takes place then. Guess, this myth came into being as it's at the same time when a baby starts babbling too.
  
  
• You and the baby should not go out for the first 40 days after birth. Well, even I have been confined in the house during this period. There's only so much you can do to fight off such myths. In other countries, though, babies as old as a couple of weeks even go grocery shopping. However, this myth does give you time to regain strength and allow the child to adjust to the world outside, while keeping you both away from infections.
  
  
• Avoid working on the computer or reading after giving birth as that weakens the eye. I have not taken a day's break from work since delivery and haven't had my eyes checked since either :)

These were a few that I could rattle off without much thinking. That's as much you can expect from a sleep-deprived mother :)

Go on and add those you may have heard (or even suffered) :)

Will be back soon. Till then, take care and stay precious :)

Surviving Morning... Err "ALL-DAY" Sickness!!

While morning sickness is said to be a major symptom of pregnancy, not everyone starts that way. On my first visit to the doctor, I was prescribed medicines for nausea and vomiting. She gave me some more tips to deal with it and said that it was a part of the first trimester. I was yet to begin my reading and researching and the little knowledge I had about this was from friends and family.

Following a healthy diet to the T, I ensured I ate well and on time. As a week passed, I was mighty pleased with myself as I was eating healthy food, with fruits, coconut water etc etc, and I had not experienced anything even close to the famed sickness yet. 

Until one evening! While gorging on my favourite fruit, a watermelon, something made me run to the sink and before I knew it, I was throwing all over.

That was just the beginning. With every passing day, it only got worse. Soon, the better part of my days and nights were spent in the bathroom and within a week, I was completely washed out. Nothing that went in, stayed, with me developing a revulsion for everything I liked and hating food in general.

Hence, I renamed it to "all-day" sickness as it isn't something related to any time of the day at all. The Internet and the 'experienced ones' were full of ideas and advices, none of which worked for me. And as the days progressed, I tried a few things to make myself feel a bit better. 

Here are some of them that worked:

• Calorie intake being the focus, I kept chocolates and toffees at my bedside and in my handbag. This isn't recommended if your weight is on the wrong side of the scale though. My system didn't allow me to gorge on them anyway. Nothing sour suited me either, but the desi orange candies were just fine.
  
• I'd eat very small portions of food or fruits to ensure that there was less acidity which leads to more nausea. To be honest though, eating even that much seemed like a task :(

• My lunch and dinner comprised more of pulses and veggies and less roti or rice. These are lighter to digest and good for the system. Though whenever possible, I would have idli with sambhar. It suited both - my palette and system.
  
• One thing that really helped was harad churan. You get these at most places. These are salty and help change your taste. I always kept some in my bag and popped it in, whenever required.
  
• Peppermint was another savior. My hubs got some from a betel shop and a small piece worked wonders.
  
• Fresh slices of ginger soaked in a bit of lime juice helped combat the nausea too. You can keep a few in a small box close to you and suck it when you feel nauseus. Though, it's not recommended to take too much of this in the summers.

• The other thing I discovered, during this phase, were the benefits of Limca with some black salt. While this also reaffirmed my belief that Limca should be sold at the chemists, rather than a general store ;)! I did try the tetra packs of electral in various flavours too, but, somehow, couldn't go beyond a few sips.
  
• As if this all-day sickness wasn't enough, I developed lactose intolerance as well, which meant no milk or milk products. Hence, I took to having Horlicks in water every morning, which sufficed to some extent, or so I believe.
  
• Marie and Parle G became my favourites, as they are light and good as well as comforting to eat.
  
• Rest is the key here. I tried to sleep as much as I could. Also, most prescribed medicines for morning sickness may cause lethargy and make you feel sleepy. So, avoid driving during this period, if possible.

All said and done, this sickness didn't leave me till almost the end of my second trimester. These were just a few ways I ensured that I ate something and had enough energy to make those very frequent trips to the washroom. All the gyan about hormonal changes and blah blah blah only made me more irritable and I took to distracting myself with my work and reading fiction. While my weight gain was consistent, thankfully, after the first trimester, my appetite was gone. Yet, these things helped me survive the phase, if not sail through smoothly.

I'm sure all the mothers reading this would have some ideas and tips too. It'd be nice if you would share those here for others planning to becoming a maa :)

Be back soon. Till then, take care and stay precious :)

Sleep When the Baby Sleeps... Really???

The nine months of pregnancy, somewhat, prepare you for motherhood. Each trimester, in fact, each month, brings on new challenges and your body and you learn to cope with them. However, one thing that no one is probably prepared for are the long days and nights ahead.

When I was expecting, the 'experienced ones' said it's my honeymoon period and I should enjoy it while it lasts. Little did I understand then what they meant. And now, there are endless days and no nights. So much so that sometimes, rather most of the times,  I lose track of the day and date.

So, when a friend, also a new Maa, said the other day that she needed time management tips from me, I got thinking. Was I really managing things properly?

On returning home with my little bundle of joy, one advice that everyone gave me was to sleep while the baby slept. The truth is I didn't sleep for days after that. I was only napping, rather 'power napping', to get the energy to get through another long day. This is what most of us new mothers do. To regulate your body clock according to your baby's is an impossible thing to do.

It certainly is one of the most irritating advices you're given as a new mom. After all, no one knows when and for how long a baby would sleep. And then, you sure have so many other things to do as well, bathe, eat, clean, and so many other house chores. You can hire people to help you with most of the things, but not all. I certainly cannot hand over the keys of my wardrobe and home to someone else, while I 'sleep when the baby sleeps'.

True, that I have helps for the house chores, but when it comes to my baby, I take care of every little thing. Massaging, bathing, feeding, diaper change, putting him to sleep, I'm one hands-on mother who's been doing all this by herself just fine. So while my baby is my topmost priority and controls me completely, the other important aspect that I cannot ignore is my work, my home and my husband (P.S. in no particular order). 

My son surprised us by arriving a couple weeks early and I had yet not planned my maternity. A typical Virgo, I was unsure whether I'd be able to hand over things to anyone else for some time. And hence, I was working even in the hospital (Thanks to my Smartphone!) the day after my son was born, which was a Sunday. So, yes, I'm yet to take a maternity leave. Though, technically, in the corporate language, I did get the weekend off. And now, I don't only work from home, but am a work-from-home mom who, too, has deadlines to meet. The upside of this is that while I work, I'm right next to my son.

No, I'm no super woman. I'm as sleep deprived as any other new mother and as overwhelmed too. I have only learned to take one moment at a time and work it that way. There are days when my home looks like a storm just passed by and one of the most difficult tasks for me, these days, seem to be able to find anything in my wardrobe (it resembles a honeycomb). To plan even a day ahead is a task for me. But all that can wait! I make a to-do list in my mind, prioritize and proceed with what's most important. When my baby sleeps, I try and complete other things. And when he's up, I'm with him, enjoying every bit of motherhood. Even now, he's napping and I'm writing on my phone. All thanks to technology!

Hence, there's nothing called time management when you're a Maa and a new one at that. Your child is your boss who controls you, your schedule and even your mood. I'd say take it easy on yourself. Outsource whatever work you can such as cleaning, cooking, etc. and focus on other important things and your new phase of life. Don't hesitate to ask for help either. Your family and friends would be only too happy to do something for you at this time. My sisters and my aunt have been my saviors and had it not been for them, I'd have lost my sanity within week 1!

You could also invest in a good baby wrap or sling. I have one and it's so much easier to do other things while my baby sleeps snugly close to me. Another thing that works for me is online shopping. Whether it's diapers, clothes, birthday gifts or anything else, I take the online route. Convenient and quick! 

Moreover, with the hoards of advices and do's and don'ts that people pile on you along with lack of sleep, you're bound to lose it some time or another. This is where your partner comes in. While, the phase is equally new and overwhelming for my hubs too, we have been able to sail through it together smoothly. With help at hand for diaper changes and rocking the baby post midnight, things sure get better. There have been nights when he's up just to give me company :) 

So, you see, I don't sleep when the baby sleeps. And it's absolutely okay. I'd rather take my time to adjust to my new life. And while I do that, I am taking everything one at a time. I guess that is the key - One At A Time!

Another tried and tested formula - Smile and kiss your baby now for an instant boost of energy. Don't believe me? Try it :) I just did!!!

Be back soon with more. Till then, take care and stay precious. 

Before P, comes H

Image: Google

You know what's P here, though the H might be sounding strange. It's the most basic thing you need to take care of before, during and even post pregnancy. If you're still wondering, H refers to 'health'.

As we move on to other roles in life, our health is most neglected and takes a backseat completely. I, too, have always been careless; and while salary perks and job promotions kept coming, my health suffered. However, once I left my full time job, I was keen on feeling and looking better.

Yet, it was only during my pregnancy and now that I realise how important it truly was. Though I cannot take full credit here as it was also my hubs who ensures I eat and keep well.

These are some general things I feel every woman must follow, and more so, if you're planning to tread the family way.

• Exercise! Of course, you've heard it before. Everywhere! From everyone! But again, the more fit you are, the easier would be your pregnancy. It could be anything you enjoy-running, walks, a game, the idea is to build physical strength and stamina. Trust me, you'll need loads of it. On the other hand, if you're pregnant, don't do anything strenuous. Morning or evening walks with hubs would be great, both for emotional as well as physical well being :)
  
• Eat well and focus on your haemoglobin, iron, calcium levels. It dips during pregnancy, so the more, the better. Eat things you like; and if it's sinful, eat in moderation.
  
• If you're expecting, eat well but stay away from oily and fried recipes. Avoid ghee and butter too. It's a myth that you need to eat for 2 when pregnant. An extra chapati in meals or a sandwich in the morning and evening suffice for the extra calories you require, which are around 300. Eating unabashedly would only lead to massive weight gain; and while we all want a healthy baby, we don't need to double ourselves for that. On the flip side, don't try dieting either. You can lose all the extra weight post delivery.
  
• Do things you enjoy. Be it reading, shopping, lunching out with friends or anything else. Staying home all day, somehow, made me dull and I loved going out or spending evenings with my hubs.  Pregnancy brings on many mood swings. The only way I could deal with them was by distracting myself and indulging in things I liked doing.
  
• Check with your doctor about what you should eat and what not. Of course, everyone around you will have lots to advise on this. Yet, not everything is true. For instance, brinjal has no effect on the baby's complexion. However, it's heavy to digest and best avoided. And coconut water doesn't make the baby any fairer, but it's good for your skin and digestion.
  
• Most importantly, be happy. There's nothing else that matters more. Weed out those things that stress you. Whether you're planning to conceive or already have, being stress free is the key.

No, there's nothing that I've written that you haven't read or heard before. In the rat race called life, we tend to take our health for granted. But, if you're on the road to becoming a Maa, your health is crucial to ensure your baby's health and wellness.

Be back soon. Till then, take care and stay precious :)

"MUST DO" Things Before and During Pregnancy

When I was expecting, everyone would tell me what to do and what not. While some were viable and logical suggestions, others were based on myths that have been passed down from generations.  However, there wasn't one person who told me things that are a must before and during the pregnancy phase.

The reason why I'm enlisting these here is that I would not want others to miss these later (later is when you are a mommy).

• Enjoy your baths. Soak, scrub, shampoo. ..all you like. You've no idea what a luxury it would be to have a 10 minutes non interrupted bath when you're not looking out for your baby's wailing.
  
  
• If you like it, sleep on your stomach as much as you want to. I'm one of those who'd only sleep that way, and I miss it terribly now. During pregnancy, you need to sleep on the left lateral position and once you have your baby, you can forget what sleep is like. You'll most likely learn to sleep like a horse within the first 2 weeks of motherhood. I have!!!
  
  
• This is strictly for planning/pre pregnancy stage. Enjoy your golguppas or tikki or dahi bhallas, the roadside ones. They will be barred once you conceive, for obvious reasons. It's over a year since I've had these and I mentioned this yesterday to my husband, who said I should rather eat these at a good place.  So, you see, they are still out of reach for me.
  
  
• Dress up, put on make-up and look and feel good. Wear those bling earrings a little more and that beaded necklace too. Put on that bright red lipstick often and the mascara as well. Take out the dress or skirt you've been thinking of wearing for some time now and match it up with your favourite stilletoes. Once you are a mom, you'd be dressing up your baby, rather than yourself. And of course, you'll master the art of applying kajal with one hand :)
  
  
• Go shopping.  Wherever and whenever. Call your friends over and just head out to the markets that you're yet to explore. While this is quite doable during the first two trimesters, you'd get exasperated when those with you would constantly exclaim, 'Be careful', 'Watch out', 'Walk slowly', and one of the worse ones 'Don't buy that, you might not fit into it later!'
  
  
• Enjoy your time at the parlour. I never knew getting a haircut is such a luxury, until now!
  
  
• Have long telephonic conversations, with friends, family, siblings. .. whoever. Walk around while you talk, peep out of the window, pluck the yellow leaf from the plant, sip your favourite tea or coffee or simply flip the pages of a magazine. The idea is to enjoy a long hearty conversation without any interruption.
  
  
• Watch as many movies or plays you like.  You can forget about going to a movie theatre for at least one year after you have a child. My husband and I are movie buffs and never missed any major release until you know when!
  
  
• Go out for long drives and impromptu dates with your partner. Or order your favourite cuisine at home, put on a good movie and enjoy yourselves. Hang around in coffee shops and enjoy your moments of togetherness. If possible, go for a vacation. .. just you and him. These moments are way too precious, trust me.

Most importantly, take your time off to be just with yourself.  Do what you love doing. I read as much as I could during my pregnancy and it's been over 4 months now since I picked a book. Ohh yes, it's also been over 4 months since I became a Maa :)

This is a bucket list I wished I would have made earlier. Not that I miss them as much, but I sure feel I could have done more of them. 

Life certainly changes when you have a child. In fact, it takes a beautiful turn. The fact is that you get tuned to thinking about your little one first and everything else takes a back seat. And once you have a child, you'd be wondering what you had been doing all those years! Tell me, all you Maa's reading this, isn't it true?

Will be back soon with more. Till then, take care and stay precious :)

So, You Think You're Ready?

Image: Google

When I was in my first trimester and totally drained with morning sickness, my better half, to cheer me up, would say, "Pregnancy is the ultimate dream of every woman." I, exhausted from all the throwing up, would snap back, "Motherhood it is... not pregnancy!"

So, yes, like any other woman, I, too, have always looked forward to becoming a mother. Isn't it amazing to have your own little baby to cuddle and hug all the time! Children, especially the tiny ones, have always had me in awe. And to have my own... well, could it be any better?

While the decision of stepping into motherhood may be a conscious one for many, yet very few realize what it would entail. And I certainly wasn't one of those few. Of course, I was looking forward to a cute little angel, but wasn't really up for what lay in store in the process.

So, if you are planning to tread down this path, there are a few things you need to be prepared for. Here goes:

• The first to come are those fretful testing moments - have I conceived yet or not? Your hands tremble, your heart races and knees shake. Yes, those moments are worse than waiting for the results of the most competitive exam you may have appeared in.
  
  
• So you have conceived? Great! Now? Yes, this is one question that even the most prepared cannot answer. I thought I was prepared until this moment. All my courage flew out of the window and a question that popped up was - "Would I be able to take up this kind of responsibility?"
  
  
• So, here you are! All geared to enjoy the coming nine months where there is absolutely no restriction on eating! Of course, all thoughts of dieting can be shelved for later. For now, you are pregnant and have every reason to eat as much you like and all that you love. But wait! While it is true that women develop a craving for certain foods, there are others who simply begin detesting the look of it. I had begun to hate the very word 'food' and it was for all 9 months!
  
  
• Everyone around would now advise you to rest as much as you can and eat well too. The body, too, goes on a different tandem completely and cries for more rest and sleep, all the time. But how can one get rest when the better part of the day is spent in the bathroom, either throwing up or having to go? And as the weeks progress, the body develops strange pains... sometimes, it's the back and at other times, your legs and feet. No position seems to be right while all you want and need is a good sleep.
  
  
• Everyone around you is the most knowledgeable, from your house-help to a neighborhood aunty you never knew existed. Wherever you go, you will be showered with Do's & Don'ts! And it would always start with, "When I was expecting ____, I would _____. I tell you, it's the best way/thing."
  
  
• As the months progress, the guessing game gets fiercer. I was shopping for my hospital bag items when every lady in the store told me what they felt it was - boy or girl. And mind you, these are not supposed to be guesses, but an accurate shot. After all, everyone is experienced, except you :).€
  
  
• Whenever and wherever you go, everyone would ask, "So, when is the baby coming?" I always found this funny. I mean, whenever the baby does arrive, everyone would know, won't they?

Have I scared you? Don't be. This is simply the other side of the coin; and I assure you that the better side outweighs all this. After all, experience counts :)

Be back soon. Till then, take care and stay precious.