Things I was Told Vs The Things I Did

As a mother, you are judged. No matter whether your child is a few days old or a few years, you'll always get those disproving looks from people you may or may not know. You'll be given lots of advice you may or may not need. And you'll be judged for every action or decision you take pertaining your child.

I didn't have it easier either. As a first time mother (ftm), while I was still grappling with my new life, I was told to do or not to do many things. And at times, was literally compelled to do things for the 'wellness' of my child.

Here are a few gems :)

Crying is good for the baby. Let him be. He'll learn to self soothe.
Really? I'd not leave an adult alone when they're upset or crying, let alone my baby. A baby needs the mother or primary caregiver 'all the time' and doesn't know what is self soothing. They need to be held, loved and made to feel secure and are not to be left to cry it out.

Don't carry the baby all the time. You'll spoil their habit.
I carried my son all the time till he started crawling. He would just not lie down, especially for his day naps and would cry murder the moment I put him down. Most of the time, I wore him while I went around doing my work and, eventually, mastered the art of doing everything with one hand. Today, at almost 18 months, he wants to walk and be on his own. If you try to carry him, he'd protest. The fact is babies don't always remain babies. They grow up.... too soon.

Top up with formula. You'll need it.
And why? Breastfeeding is the most convenient form of feeding I know. And apart from the nutrition it gives my baby, it gives him security, comfort, warmth and love.

Ensure he eats at least 2 times after 6 months.
Yes, I admit I gave in to this initially and regret it. But soon enough, I started following my baby's cues and understood that breastmilk or formula is and should be the main source of nutrition for the baby till 1 year. I let my baby explore food and followed baby led weaning. And trust me, I cannot be happier for taking this decision.

Extended breastfeeding will make the baby dependent and insecure.
To this, I'd say to come and meet my son. And if it's a problem that my son likes to be around with his mom or dad all the time, it's only natural for a toddler his age.

4 months? He should be rolling. 6 months? Not standing with support yet! One year old and not walking! OMG!!! I have become a pro at turning a deaf ear to such things. My baby sat without support at 4.5 months, but rolled only at 7 months and started walking at 14 months. Every baby is different. And I'd rather enjoy and celebrate every milestone than fret about it 'getting delayed'.

Don't rock the baby to sleep. You'll have to do it for years to come.
I've rocked and sung my baby to sleep almost till he was almost a year old. Then, suddenly, one day, he nursed, rolled over to the other side and slept off. And it has been like this ever since. I really miss the rocking and singing though.

Give the baby salt and sugar, else he won't like and neither eat regular food ever.
I gave absolutely no salt or sugar to my son till he was 1. There are enough research and studies that show how harmful these two things are. Hence, the lesser, the better. Now, though he eats the regular food that we eat, but if something is cooked for him separately, it's still without the two. He enjoys his food that way and eats what he's offered if he likes it or is hungry. And for those fretting about him getting less sodium etc, he gets it in natural form from various other foods, fruits and veggies, and of course, breastmilk.

Why don't you give the bottle?
Simple, because he likes having in his cup. And I'm proud of it.

Give cow milk. Breastmilk isn't enough!
It is, says WHO :)

Leave the child with someone else. They'll get used to it.
Yes, I'm a possessive mother, but I'd never let my baby not enjoy all the love and attention he gets from people who love him. If he's happy and comfortable with someone, and safe, I'll not think twice leaving him with them. That being said, I'll not force my kid to be with someone just so they get used to the idea. If he isn't happy, he wouldn't be forced to do it. 

It's okay if strangers want to hold him.
Really? Sorry, I don't think it's even worth answering why not.

It's okay to give junk food.
Junk is NOT OKAY. Period.

I've had someone offer my son Haldiram Punjabi Tadka Namkeen (very spicy) when he was 10 months. I turned around just in time and literally shrieked. And since then, never left my son alone with that person. Case of lost trust. For ever!

Again, extensive reading and research came to my aid and always does. Today, I am regarded as one of those stubborn mothers who doesn't listen or adhere to time and tested things (read as myths). And do I regret it? No. For the sole reason that I know 'what' I'm doing and am a part of strong networks of mothers who know their thing.

The most important thing I've learned is to trust my instincts and that no one knows my baby better than me. Because I'm the mother.

Be back soon.

Till then, take care and stay precious :)

There's a New Baby and....... A New Mother!!

Pregnancy is, undoubtedly, one of the most beautiful phase in a woman's life. Everyone around showers her with special care and attention. From the food menu to family outings, all are planned, keeping in mind the expecting mother and her likes and dislikes. Moreover, special care is taken to ensure that she doesn't take any unnecessary stress, while everyone around makes extra effort to keep her happy.

And once the baby arrives, everything turns the other way round. The baby becomes the point of all care and attention, while the new mother takes a backseat. Yes, she's still looked after, but often she's supposed to know it all and take care of everything on her own.

Moreover, the changes in life and routine that come with a new baby lead to many other changes that a new mother may not have thought about earlier. While she grapples to get a hold of her new life, her old life gradually slips away; and before she knows it, it's gone. Those quiet moments with her husband when they talked endlessly, the 'Me' time when she could read or surf the TV channels aimlessly, the impromptu shopping trips and coffee with friends, all seem to be a part of another lifetime that seems distant and strangely unfamiliar.

For a woman, having a child is a life changing experience. And it is at this time that she needs the most support and love. Here is a woman who has just had a baby and is still coming to terms with her new self, her new life and even her new body. Yes, she understands that she has a new being to look after, but she is also yet to come to terms with it all. Suddenly, her life isn't what it used to be and while she knows this fact, it'll take her some time to embrace it. At this point, over burdening her with expectations is a little too much. She's not running away, but needs her time.

I, too, was completely baffled with the way my life changed. As I went into labor 2 weeks earlier, I was actually counting on those 2 weeks to prepare better (of course, there's nothing like being prepared for this, to be honest). There was a time, when I felt I'd lose it completely. I was depressed most of the time, with exhaustion and sleeplessness adding to my condition. And the worst of it all was that I knew what I could fall into (postpartum depression) if I didn't take immediate action. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. However, as I could well fathom my condition, I struggled to stay afloat and sought support immediately. For me, as always, it was my sister who stepped up and helped me cope. Gradually, as a routine set in, I was able to gather myself and work towards being a better and more balanced parent.

At this time, what's more stressing is also the hoards of advices, you are showered with, solicited or unsolicited (mostly). However, with the new age mothers more aware and competent, it's easier to know or find out what's best for your baby. 

The worst of it all, for me, was when at the first cry of the baby, everyone around would turn and tell me the baby is hungry, no matter that the baby had just taken his feed and burped! Unable to figure out why my baby would cry, I, too, would have been lead to believe that breastfeed was not sufficient and I needed to top it up with formula milk. Thankfully, on the first follow up with the pediatrician on my baby's 5th day, we discussed this, and he told me to hear everyone, but listen only to him.

This was only one of 'the things', as there is so much more that keeps coming from all corners. Well, this makes for a separate blog post altogether; but these, too, play a substantial role in bogging down a new mother. 

It is now that your support system comes into play. Hence, it's critical to keep the communication going, be it with your husband, parents, siblings or friends. Of course, everyone would be too awed by the new baby, but they sure understand there's a new mother too. However, if you don't speak up, they might just assume that all is well. This, in turn, would make you feel worse. 

Take out some time for yourself, however little that might be. It could be a nice hot bath or a good cup of tea in peace (chances are that your baby will cry out just at these moments though). You can even put on some soothing music, which would be therapeutic for you and soothing for your baby. Going for a quick 15 minute stroll to the neighborhood park while your husband babysits would work wonders. Basically, anything that gives you some time and space to recollect and refresh yourself.

So, while you work towards becoming a great Maa, don't forget you're an individual who needs her space and time. You owe it to yourself. 

Will be back with more.

Till then, take care and stay precious :)

Breastfeeding - A Big Deal?

Image Courtesy - Google

This title would certainly raise many brows. Before I begin, I'd clarify that this post is not about being judgemental about whether you choose to breastfeed your child. It is only an attempt to understand why it's become such a big issue.

These days, every time I meet some family or friend, I'm asked whether I've started other foods yet or introduced the bottle. On being told that my son is exclusively breastfed, many are surprised while some are shocked. 'How do you manage? Don't you give a bottle at night either?'

To be honest, I'm equally surprised at such reactions. While I understand that many mothers aren't able to feed their baby due to less or no milk production or because they have to join back work, I didn't have any such reason not to do it. I work from home and am with my baby 24x7. Moreover, exclusive breastfeeding is the first and the most important thing I can do for my child. And if I can do it, then why not? As my baby grows up, I'll get back the long stretches of sleep but never will his first few months return.

Why is it that breastfeeding is considered so difficult now? It's not the baby's needs that have changed, but the life of a woman. We, now, have our jobs and careers, and a life beyond the walls of our home. And it does become difficult to cope with the baby's demands. Families, too, have become smaller and more often than not, there are no grandma's or others to help you with your household chores, which makes this even more tiring. Moreover, breastfeeding doesn't stop at 6 months, it is weaned off gradually and can go on till your baby is 2 years. Every baby is different and the weaning period also differs.

Breastfeeding your baby also puts many restrictions on you. For instance, I rarely go out now. And the first criteria for me to venture out for a long time is to check and ensure that the place I'm going to has space for me to feed my baby. If the latter is an issue or the commuting time is too long, I prefer not to go.

However, there are so many advantages to breastfeeding that can simply not be overlooked. Mother's milk is packed with all the essential nutrients and enzymes that are very important for your child. Moreover, all that immunity you've built in your lifetime is passed in to your child through breastfeeding. While formula milk may be an alternative, it can never be a substitute or a replacement. I know mothers who give their babies formula milk along with breastfeed just so that the baby gets habituated to the bottle. I personally feel that it's just not required. You have all the time to change habits, but those first 6 months are precious. Your baby needs mother's milk and that's all. Like my hubs says, "Breastmilk can never go wrong!"

Then there are others who feel that giving the bottle at night gives you longer gaps between feeds. The fact is that's not really true. Studies have shown that breastfeeding at night helps regulate the baby's body clock and they're able to sleep for a stretch, waking up only for feeds in between. Moreover, breastfeeding helps develop a sense of security that helps the baby sleep better. Of course, sometimes, my son just wants his mumma close to him and nothing else, but then I'm not complaining. The feeling you get when your child is so close to you is simply irreplaceable.

So yes, it is very demanding, but for nothing in the world would I exchange it. Because for me, this is my time with my son, and I'll never get these precious moments back when it's just him and me. One of the best things I can give to my son is the gift of good health and that begins with breastfeeding.

What do you feel about breastfeeding? Have you also countered questions about your choice to breastfeed or not? Do share.

Will follow up with a post on how underrated breastfeeding is. 

Till then, take care and stay precious :)

Before P, comes H

Image: Google

You know what's P here, though the H might be sounding strange. It's the most basic thing you need to take care of before, during and even post pregnancy. If you're still wondering, H refers to 'health'.

As we move on to other roles in life, our health is most neglected and takes a backseat completely. I, too, have always been careless; and while salary perks and job promotions kept coming, my health suffered. However, once I left my full time job, I was keen on feeling and looking better.

Yet, it was only during my pregnancy and now that I realise how important it truly was. Though I cannot take full credit here as it was also my hubs who ensures I eat and keep well.

These are some general things I feel every woman must follow, and more so, if you're planning to tread the family way.

• Exercise! Of course, you've heard it before. Everywhere! From everyone! But again, the more fit you are, the easier would be your pregnancy. It could be anything you enjoy-running, walks, a game, the idea is to build physical strength and stamina. Trust me, you'll need loads of it. On the other hand, if you're pregnant, don't do anything strenuous. Morning or evening walks with hubs would be great, both for emotional as well as physical well being :)
  
• Eat well and focus on your haemoglobin, iron, calcium levels. It dips during pregnancy, so the more, the better. Eat things you like; and if it's sinful, eat in moderation.
  
• If you're expecting, eat well but stay away from oily and fried recipes. Avoid ghee and butter too. It's a myth that you need to eat for 2 when pregnant. An extra chapati in meals or a sandwich in the morning and evening suffice for the extra calories you require, which are around 300. Eating unabashedly would only lead to massive weight gain; and while we all want a healthy baby, we don't need to double ourselves for that. On the flip side, don't try dieting either. You can lose all the extra weight post delivery.
  
• Do things you enjoy. Be it reading, shopping, lunching out with friends or anything else. Staying home all day, somehow, made me dull and I loved going out or spending evenings with my hubs.  Pregnancy brings on many mood swings. The only way I could deal with them was by distracting myself and indulging in things I liked doing.
  
• Check with your doctor about what you should eat and what not. Of course, everyone around you will have lots to advise on this. Yet, not everything is true. For instance, brinjal has no effect on the baby's complexion. However, it's heavy to digest and best avoided. And coconut water doesn't make the baby any fairer, but it's good for your skin and digestion.
  
• Most importantly, be happy. There's nothing else that matters more. Weed out those things that stress you. Whether you're planning to conceive or already have, being stress free is the key.

No, there's nothing that I've written that you haven't read or heard before. In the rat race called life, we tend to take our health for granted. But, if you're on the road to becoming a Maa, your health is crucial to ensure your baby's health and wellness.

Be back soon. Till then, take care and stay precious :)