Things My Son has Taught Me

The last few months have been stressful, to say the least. Life has taken an unwanted, though expected, turn, the effects of which might never go away.

Amidst all this, if there's anything that has kept me going, it is my son. The tiny, naughty, playful little angel who keeps my world so beautiful and full of sunshine. And when I look at him, there's so much that he's taught me all along.

Smile - Smile, no matter how bad or blue the world around is. It's amazing how easily a little child can crack into a smile instantly. While there isn't much that you can do to change situations or people, you can change your perspective and mood. And all that starts with a little smile.

Never give up - A baby learns things, little by little and by never giving up. Yes, there are moments of frustration and anger too, but he keeps struggling until he has mastered the art, be it rolling and flipping, sitting up, crawling, standing or walking. The sad thing is that as we grow, we lose our perseverance and start giving up way too easily. Looking at my son these days trying to stand and walk is a delight, and a reminder that patience and perseverance always pay.

Sing, like no one is listening - And lots of singing we, mother and son, do. No longer do I care whether my voice cracks up at a high pitch or the fact that I am only mumbling the lyrics I barely know. We sing and have our own fun, all the time!

Forgive & forget - Who says a mother never makes mistakes? Of course, she does. Or for that matter, anyone else who's with the baby. But the baby never remembers and the next moment, it's all about love and hugs for him or her. While we adults keep way too many grudges and, in the process, lose out on valuable time and beautiful relationships.

Live and love the moment - It's all about this particular moment for my son now. If he wants to sleep, he'll sleep and if he's hungry, he'll want to be fed. There's no planning anywhere. So, even if it's 3 am in the morning and he decides to play a while, he'll play. When he grows up, he too will get caught in the maze called life and fret and worry like we do.

Take it easy - The house is a mess, the dried laundry needs to be put away, sleep is now a luxury and I haven't done my eyebrows for over 2 months now. But every moment with my child allows me to sit back and truly enjoy 'the' moment. The colorful stacking rings and the tumblers are more important now than coordinating my dress with the right footwear. All because my child loves playing with these and I'd crawl under the bed in an expensive dress to fetch the one that rolls in there. And despite all the mess and my imperfections, my child loves me nonetheless. While I bask in the moment, I let go of things that can be put off for the next day, just to be with my child. Does the next day come? Who cares. .. as long as I get every moment of my little one's childhood.

Childhood is absolutely amazing, but seeing your child grow is an eye opener. Yes, life teaches, but your child is the greatest teacher. As you become a parent, not only do you look at life differently, but also learn so many things about yourself that you've never known. You are the strongest and the most vulnerable with your child.

Every moment with my son is a treasure and everything else can wait. And my son inspires me to be a better human being, little by little, every day :)

Will be back with more. Till then, take care and stay precious :)

Hear.... but Do Not Listen!

Hear everybody out, but do not listen. This has probably been one of the best advices I got after giving birth. 

During and after pregnancy, you're hoarded with so many do's and don't's that you either get thoroughly confused or blindly follow each and every thing told to you. I went and am still going through the same phase. The worst is when these come from those who you thought would know better.

• Don't eat brinjals, else your baby will be dark. Really? The fact is that brinjal is heavy to digest and may cause acidity. However,  the baby's complexion is purely genetic and has nothing to do with brinjal! 
  
  
• Have milk with saffron to ensure that the baby is fair. Again!  To something like this, I'd say that we should even start applying Fair n Lovely on the baby bump!!
  
  
• Eat for two as you need the extra calories for another person growing within you. The fact is that you need to eat just about 250-300 extra calories, so an extra chapati in lunch and a sandwich in the evening would suffice. Eating for two would only leave you with too much of the extra weight you would find difficult to get rid of.
  
  
• Acidity or heartburn is due to the baby's (in the womb) growing hair! Now, how is that possible? In fact, acidity is a common problem during pregnancy.
  
  
• Rest as much as possible and do not exercise. Well, while excessive exercise and heavy weightlifting is an absolute no, regular walk and exercise is important for a healthy pregnancy.
  
  
• Eating ghee and butter would help in normal delivery. This happens through muscle contractions and the ghee and butter do absolutely nothing to smoothen the baby's track (if that is the logic)! It will only give you extra kilos you would find difficult to shed later.
  
  
• Watching an eclipse is bad for the baby. When my father first got the news, the first thing he called to tell me was that there was an eclipse on August 25 around midnight and I shouldn't be out then. An eclipse is said to harm the baby and cause a deformity. Well, I surely wasn't loitering around at midnight then; however, a baby is well protected in the mother's womb to be harmed by an eclipse.
  
  
• Itching the baby bump would cause stretch marks. As the skin stretches, some of us experience itching; however, it is not related to stretch marks in any way. Unless you are one of the lucky few, you will have the tiger marks during and after birth. While some oils and creams are said to reduce them, there's no way to prevent them completely.
  
  
• The day you conceive determines the sex of the child. If so, then whatever happened to the X and Y thing we learned in school!
  
  
• If the fetal heart rate is slow, it's a boy, else a girl. To be honest, I always heard horses racing during the visits to the doc and I have a baby boy :)

• You will not have enough milk as you don't drink as much milk! Now, how is this even related? A cow eats grass (and all sorts of junk), right?
  
  
• As the baby starts speaking, your hair fall will increase. Hair fall post the baby's birth is due to the hormone withdrawal that takes place then. Guess, this myth came into being as it's at the same time when a baby starts babbling too.
  
  
• You and the baby should not go out for the first 40 days after birth. Well, even I have been confined in the house during this period. There's only so much you can do to fight off such myths. In other countries, though, babies as old as a couple of weeks even go grocery shopping. However, this myth does give you time to regain strength and allow the child to adjust to the world outside, while keeping you both away from infections.
  
  
• Avoid working on the computer or reading after giving birth as that weakens the eye. I have not taken a day's break from work since delivery and haven't had my eyes checked since either :)

These were a few that I could rattle off without much thinking. That's as much you can expect from a sleep-deprived mother :)

Go on and add those you may have heard (or even suffered) :)

Will be back soon. Till then, take care and stay precious :)

What YOU 'd Need as a New Maa :)

(Image: Google)

With your expected delivery date (EDD) close, you're sure to be bombarded with the list of things you need to buy for the coming baby. Even various stores and shops will hand you a list of essentials, which of course is their way of telling you that they have everything available. As for you, from wraps to diapers, you'll cross check it all every day to ensure that you have everything set.

As my EDD approached, I, too, was all set with the hospital bag and everything else. And I believed that was all that was required. However, during the first few days after returning from the hospital, there were so many things I wished I had bought earlier. The fact is that no one tells expecting moms what are those things that we, as a new Maa, would need. I was lucky to have my younger sister to help me get the stuff I needed.

So, here are a few things that I felt I should have added to my list while I was preparing for my new role.

• Front open tops and shirts, especially if you plan to breastfeed your baby.
  
  
• Comfortable lowers or track pants that would be easy to put on. These are important if you've had a cesarean delivery.
  
  
• Nursing lingerie, and ensure you have at least 4 of them. Also, you might want to buy a nursing cover that may come handy some time. 
  
  
• Breast pads - you'd need them whenever you go out, even if that's a short doc visit.
  
  
• Buy/keep clothes that you can wear post delivery. You wouldn't want to be fretting out then for having nothing suitable to wear when you need to step out of your home, even if the trip is for getting your child shots.
  
  
• Invest in comfortable nightwear. If you'll be breastfeeding, they should either have a zipper at the front or you can buy the nursing ones available. If your EDD is sometime in the colder months, consider buying night suits (rather than gowns or nighties) as they are warmer and more comfortable.
  
  
• Keep a good stock of your toiletries, like shampoo, conditioner etc. You might not be able to venture out for a few weeks. Though home delivery is always an option, if you use a specific brand, make sure you have extra bottles with you.
  
  
• If there's a tradition in your family to have a small ceremony in the first week after the baby's arrival, you might want to keep a suitable dress ready as you may not be able/allowed to go shopping then.
  
  
• Buy a good flask that keeps water warm/hot for a considerable period. This will be especially handy during the night, saving you multiple trips to the kitchen. Even if you are exclusively breastfeeding and do not need the water for formula, you'd need it for wiping during diaper changes through the night. Milton is a brand I swear by. 
  
  
• Your room should also be ready for the baby. You'd need a table or a rack to keep diaper supplies close at hand. My husband got one with wheels and four shelves, which made it easy to pull it closer, when required; while the shelves are handy to keep other things like hand towels, extra clothing for the baby, medicines etc.
  
  
• Get a night lamp, if you don't have one. Also, you might want an extension to the main light close to the bed. 
  
  
• Decide on the baby's bed, almirah, etc beforehand, even if you don't want to buy one before the baby arrives. Hand over the design and other details to your husband or other family members. This way, you can focus on the new baby, while those things are taken care of as per your need/desire.
  
  
• Last, but most important! Get a haircut, manicure, pedicure etc. You never know when you'll be able to go to your parlor next. I had to wait 5 months for a haircut! And manicure/pedicure.... What's that???

These were a few things that I missed out on, and, gradually, got them sorted. With you being on your toes constantly in your new role, there will be lesser time to focus on yourself. My next post would be about how I scrape out some time for... 'Myself'!

Till then, take care and stay precious :)

There's a New Baby and....... A New Mother!!

Pregnancy is, undoubtedly, one of the most beautiful phase in a woman's life. Everyone around showers her with special care and attention. From the food menu to family outings, all are planned, keeping in mind the expecting mother and her likes and dislikes. Moreover, special care is taken to ensure that she doesn't take any unnecessary stress, while everyone around makes extra effort to keep her happy.

And once the baby arrives, everything turns the other way round. The baby becomes the point of all care and attention, while the new mother takes a backseat. Yes, she's still looked after, but often she's supposed to know it all and take care of everything on her own.

Moreover, the changes in life and routine that come with a new baby lead to many other changes that a new mother may not have thought about earlier. While she grapples to get a hold of her new life, her old life gradually slips away; and before she knows it, it's gone. Those quiet moments with her husband when they talked endlessly, the 'Me' time when she could read or surf the TV channels aimlessly, the impromptu shopping trips and coffee with friends, all seem to be a part of another lifetime that seems distant and strangely unfamiliar.

For a woman, having a child is a life changing experience. And it is at this time that she needs the most support and love. Here is a woman who has just had a baby and is still coming to terms with her new self, her new life and even her new body. Yes, she understands that she has a new being to look after, but she is also yet to come to terms with it all. Suddenly, her life isn't what it used to be and while she knows this fact, it'll take her some time to embrace it. At this point, over burdening her with expectations is a little too much. She's not running away, but needs her time.

I, too, was completely baffled with the way my life changed. As I went into labor 2 weeks earlier, I was actually counting on those 2 weeks to prepare better (of course, there's nothing like being prepared for this, to be honest). There was a time, when I felt I'd lose it completely. I was depressed most of the time, with exhaustion and sleeplessness adding to my condition. And the worst of it all was that I knew what I could fall into (postpartum depression) if I didn't take immediate action. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. However, as I could well fathom my condition, I struggled to stay afloat and sought support immediately. For me, as always, it was my sister who stepped up and helped me cope. Gradually, as a routine set in, I was able to gather myself and work towards being a better and more balanced parent.

At this time, what's more stressing is also the hoards of advices, you are showered with, solicited or unsolicited (mostly). However, with the new age mothers more aware and competent, it's easier to know or find out what's best for your baby. 

The worst of it all, for me, was when at the first cry of the baby, everyone around would turn and tell me the baby is hungry, no matter that the baby had just taken his feed and burped! Unable to figure out why my baby would cry, I, too, would have been lead to believe that breastfeed was not sufficient and I needed to top it up with formula milk. Thankfully, on the first follow up with the pediatrician on my baby's 5th day, we discussed this, and he told me to hear everyone, but listen only to him.

This was only one of 'the things', as there is so much more that keeps coming from all corners. Well, this makes for a separate blog post altogether; but these, too, play a substantial role in bogging down a new mother. 

It is now that your support system comes into play. Hence, it's critical to keep the communication going, be it with your husband, parents, siblings or friends. Of course, everyone would be too awed by the new baby, but they sure understand there's a new mother too. However, if you don't speak up, they might just assume that all is well. This, in turn, would make you feel worse. 

Take out some time for yourself, however little that might be. It could be a nice hot bath or a good cup of tea in peace (chances are that your baby will cry out just at these moments though). You can even put on some soothing music, which would be therapeutic for you and soothing for your baby. Going for a quick 15 minute stroll to the neighborhood park while your husband babysits would work wonders. Basically, anything that gives you some time and space to recollect and refresh yourself.

So, while you work towards becoming a great Maa, don't forget you're an individual who needs her space and time. You owe it to yourself. 

Will be back with more.

Till then, take care and stay precious :)

Sleep When the Baby Sleeps... Really???

The nine months of pregnancy, somewhat, prepare you for motherhood. Each trimester, in fact, each month, brings on new challenges and your body and you learn to cope with them. However, one thing that no one is probably prepared for are the long days and nights ahead.

When I was expecting, the 'experienced ones' said it's my honeymoon period and I should enjoy it while it lasts. Little did I understand then what they meant. And now, there are endless days and no nights. So much so that sometimes, rather most of the times,  I lose track of the day and date.

So, when a friend, also a new Maa, said the other day that she needed time management tips from me, I got thinking. Was I really managing things properly?

On returning home with my little bundle of joy, one advice that everyone gave me was to sleep while the baby slept. The truth is I didn't sleep for days after that. I was only napping, rather 'power napping', to get the energy to get through another long day. This is what most of us new mothers do. To regulate your body clock according to your baby's is an impossible thing to do.

It certainly is one of the most irritating advices you're given as a new mom. After all, no one knows when and for how long a baby would sleep. And then, you sure have so many other things to do as well, bathe, eat, clean, and so many other house chores. You can hire people to help you with most of the things, but not all. I certainly cannot hand over the keys of my wardrobe and home to someone else, while I 'sleep when the baby sleeps'.

True, that I have helps for the house chores, but when it comes to my baby, I take care of every little thing. Massaging, bathing, feeding, diaper change, putting him to sleep, I'm one hands-on mother who's been doing all this by herself just fine. So while my baby is my topmost priority and controls me completely, the other important aspect that I cannot ignore is my work, my home and my husband (P.S. in no particular order). 

My son surprised us by arriving a couple weeks early and I had yet not planned my maternity. A typical Virgo, I was unsure whether I'd be able to hand over things to anyone else for some time. And hence, I was working even in the hospital (Thanks to my Smartphone!) the day after my son was born, which was a Sunday. So, yes, I'm yet to take a maternity leave. Though, technically, in the corporate language, I did get the weekend off. And now, I don't only work from home, but am a work-from-home mom who, too, has deadlines to meet. The upside of this is that while I work, I'm right next to my son.

No, I'm no super woman. I'm as sleep deprived as any other new mother and as overwhelmed too. I have only learned to take one moment at a time and work it that way. There are days when my home looks like a storm just passed by and one of the most difficult tasks for me, these days, seem to be able to find anything in my wardrobe (it resembles a honeycomb). To plan even a day ahead is a task for me. But all that can wait! I make a to-do list in my mind, prioritize and proceed with what's most important. When my baby sleeps, I try and complete other things. And when he's up, I'm with him, enjoying every bit of motherhood. Even now, he's napping and I'm writing on my phone. All thanks to technology!

Hence, there's nothing called time management when you're a Maa and a new one at that. Your child is your boss who controls you, your schedule and even your mood. I'd say take it easy on yourself. Outsource whatever work you can such as cleaning, cooking, etc. and focus on other important things and your new phase of life. Don't hesitate to ask for help either. Your family and friends would be only too happy to do something for you at this time. My sisters and my aunt have been my saviors and had it not been for them, I'd have lost my sanity within week 1!

You could also invest in a good baby wrap or sling. I have one and it's so much easier to do other things while my baby sleeps snugly close to me. Another thing that works for me is online shopping. Whether it's diapers, clothes, birthday gifts or anything else, I take the online route. Convenient and quick! 

Moreover, with the hoards of advices and do's and don'ts that people pile on you along with lack of sleep, you're bound to lose it some time or another. This is where your partner comes in. While, the phase is equally new and overwhelming for my hubs too, we have been able to sail through it together smoothly. With help at hand for diaper changes and rocking the baby post midnight, things sure get better. There have been nights when he's up just to give me company :) 

So, you see, I don't sleep when the baby sleeps. And it's absolutely okay. I'd rather take my time to adjust to my new life. And while I do that, I am taking everything one at a time. I guess that is the key - One At A Time!

Another tried and tested formula - Smile and kiss your baby now for an instant boost of energy. Don't believe me? Try it :) I just did!!!

Be back soon with more. Till then, take care and stay precious.