Baby Led Weaning - An approach that changed me

The first food that our paediatrician advised when Prabir completed 6 months was Cerelac. I didn't find anything wrong with that either as that's what I've seen most babies in the family eat.

We went to the store and bought a flavour that we thought our son would like. And the first day, I held the spoon near his mouth, he rejected it outright. I kept at it and tried for 3 days until I kept the box of Cerelac away for good.

I then started with suji (semolina) porridge, and dal and rice, and introduced fruits and veggies gradually. When he didn't eat as much as I would have liked him to, which happened almost every time, I fretted and worried. When he demanded to breastfeed soon after having some solids, I blamed myself for not giving him enough to eat as he was clearly hungry.

Nothing and no one helped either. I was told to let him watch the television to make him eat. Or may be distract him with toys, which I confess I have done. There would be a whole lot of toys with us as we started a meal and each one was a mission. After all, mumma had to ensure that the sonny eats as much as 'she' would like him to.

It was in his 8th month that I bumped into a group on Facebook. How that happened I barely remember, but it was no less than a miracle. I read all about baby led weaning (blw) and was determined that it was the right approach for my baby and me.

The first thing I needed to do here was to unlearn all that I had known about feeding babies all this while.

• Breastmilk or formula is the primary source of nutrition for the first year - And there I would make myself sick worrying when my son demanded breastfeed after a meal.
• Stop feeding mashed or pureed food - While I never really did either, I used to overcook to make the food easy to swallow. BLW made me realise that the baby can chew and needs to start now, whether or not he has teeth as their gums are hard enough. The consistency of the food needed to be such that it is firm to hold and yet easy on the gums to chew. I've seen grown up kids in my family swallow food with water till date and that's not what I wanted for my son.
• The mother decides what and when, and the baby decides how much - This required the control freak in me to take a backseat and let my son decide how much he wanted to eat and not how much I'd like him to.
• No forcefeeding or distraction - The toys had to go and the child should have a proper place to have their meals. We were already using a highchair for meals, so this wasn't as difficult.
• Encourage self feeding - Now, here is what required most patience. With a never ending to do list, it was difficult to let the baby be and sit through while he explored, tasted, threw, poured and massaged it all over himself. Even more difficult is to see the mess with the baby throwing food all around. Every post meal wash became a mini bath with complete change of clothes. Yes, that's how messy it can get!
• The baby eats what the family eats - This meant that no separate meals needed to be made, just the salt had to go and the spices had to checked.
• The whole idea is to let my baby explore food, feel different textures and get to know their own taste and system better.

As I read all about BLW, I ordered a book 'My Child won't Eat'. Reading it changed my thoughts and views about feeding my son completely. No longer was I a worried mumma thinking about what my son ate or didn't eat. Meal times became more enjoyable and we started having our food together.

At 19 months, here's where we stand-

• We eat our meals together.
• Prabir knows how much he wants or needs to eat.
• He knows that he won't be forced to eat anything that he doesn't want or like.
• He's eager to try different food.
• He's getting better at eating with a spoon all by himself and knows how to use a fork too.
• He doesn't need water to swallow food and knows that he needs to finish what's in his mouth and then drink water, if he needs to.
• He knows his 'no' to something will be respected.

Even today, there are days when he would barely take a spoonful or two or completely skip a meal. I'll be honest to say that the mother in me still frets at times, but I'm not worried anymore. As my son can decide for himself when it comes to eating.

This post, in no way, is to endorse Blw as the only or the best way to introduce solids to a child. This is an approach that has worked beautifully for us and that's why this mumma swears by it.

While it's given a sense of control to my son and is a major step for him towards getting independent, it has given a sense of relief to this mumma. All I do is follow my baby's cues and ensure that I offer him balanced and nutrition meals. For the rest, he's the boss :)

Here's How YOU can Help a New Maa :)

When Prabir arrived, I was overwhelmed and knew little how to go about things around me. Even regular and routine things became big tasks as I struggled and fumbled as a new Maa.

And isn't that what happens everywhere? When a new baby arrives, there's a flutter in every heart around. From the new parents to new aunties, uncles, grand mothers and grand fathers, everyone wants the new baby to be comfortable and happy.

However, often, we tend to ignore the new Maa who needs equal love and help. Had it not been for my two sisters and bua (paternal aunt), we (hubs and I) would not have been able to manage. And for all that they've done for me, I'd be forever indebted.

So, if there's a new baby in your home or if one's arriving soon, here are a few ways you can make things better for the new parents and child. 

Help prepare the hospital bag - The expecting mother would need help in her shopping trips to get the bag packed. You could also divide the items in the list and volunteer to buy them after the baby arrives, as many cultures do not allow you to shop before the baby is born. 

Help arrange the nursery/wardrobe - The new entrant would need space of their own. It becomes difficult and tiring for an expecting mommy to bend or sit for long hours in the run up to labour. Not to mention that it's almost impossible to do it when the baby finally arrives. So, go ahead and help stack diapers and clothes for the little one. Set up the little one's crib and arrange their little cot. You have no idea how much it'll help. 

Pick out the stuff for mumma and baby every morning along with other regular things- These things might sound too small, but trust me, they go a long way for a sleep deprived new Maa. My younger sister would pick out clothes for us every morning. I got so used to it that it was difficult doing it myself after she left. There are many other things here that you can do like stacking the diaper/nappies pile, getting the laundry done, keeping things within the mother's reach, etc . These are little, but count a lot.

Volunteer to rock and hold the baby - Babies know their others right from the day they are born. Prabir would not be calm with anyone else, but me, for the first few months. Yet, there were times I needed to get some time off, even if that meant 5 precious minutes. My aunt would hold him in his favorite position, while my elder sister would rock Prabir and even sing the same lullaby as I put my feet up for some rest. So, pick up cues when the new Maa would like some help with rocking or holding the baby.  

Get going with the household chores - A new Maa would forever be indebted to one who'd take over the household chores for her. My bua did that and I cannot thank her enough. Not only did that help me establish a bond with my newborn, but also got a good and balanced diet that a breastfeeding mother should have. 

Spend time with the new mother - Post partum depression is real. I too did go through it, though slightly, but thanks to my support system, I was able to push through it. Just talking it all out and talking and laughing at things other than this new phase can help a new Maa feel so much better. 

Surprises are always nice - Yes, shopping trips are bare minimum, if at all, for a new mother. And whoever visits, only brings gifts for the little one. While I love all gifts that come my son's way, the little sweet things someone got me some time or another was thoughtful and precious too. A chocolate bar counts too.

While one may not think much of these things as you read, but ask any mother and she'll recall exactly how people around her helped her when she gave birth.

A good support system can help a new mother function so much better. And most of us, especially in India, are gifted with it as our folks would come flying to us, at extremely short notice, just to be there. Such things not only help the new mother care better for her little one and herself, but also strengthens the bond between you and her.

Things I was Told Vs The Things I Did

As a mother, you are judged. No matter whether your child is a few days old or a few years, you'll always get those disproving looks from people you may or may not know. You'll be given lots of advice you may or may not need. And you'll be judged for every action or decision you take pertaining your child.

I didn't have it easier either. As a first time mother (ftm), while I was still grappling with my new life, I was told to do or not to do many things. And at times, was literally compelled to do things for the 'wellness' of my child.

Here are a few gems :)

Crying is good for the baby. Let him be. He'll learn to self soothe.
Really? I'd not leave an adult alone when they're upset or crying, let alone my baby. A baby needs the mother or primary caregiver 'all the time' and doesn't know what is self soothing. They need to be held, loved and made to feel secure and are not to be left to cry it out.

Don't carry the baby all the time. You'll spoil their habit.
I carried my son all the time till he started crawling. He would just not lie down, especially for his day naps and would cry murder the moment I put him down. Most of the time, I wore him while I went around doing my work and, eventually, mastered the art of doing everything with one hand. Today, at almost 18 months, he wants to walk and be on his own. If you try to carry him, he'd protest. The fact is babies don't always remain babies. They grow up.... too soon.

Top up with formula. You'll need it.
And why? Breastfeeding is the most convenient form of feeding I know. And apart from the nutrition it gives my baby, it gives him security, comfort, warmth and love.

Ensure he eats at least 2 times after 6 months.
Yes, I admit I gave in to this initially and regret it. But soon enough, I started following my baby's cues and understood that breastmilk or formula is and should be the main source of nutrition for the baby till 1 year. I let my baby explore food and followed baby led weaning. And trust me, I cannot be happier for taking this decision.

Extended breastfeeding will make the baby dependent and insecure.
To this, I'd say to come and meet my son. And if it's a problem that my son likes to be around with his mom or dad all the time, it's only natural for a toddler his age.

4 months? He should be rolling. 6 months? Not standing with support yet! One year old and not walking! OMG!!! I have become a pro at turning a deaf ear to such things. My baby sat without support at 4.5 months, but rolled only at 7 months and started walking at 14 months. Every baby is different. And I'd rather enjoy and celebrate every milestone than fret about it 'getting delayed'.

Don't rock the baby to sleep. You'll have to do it for years to come.
I've rocked and sung my baby to sleep almost till he was almost a year old. Then, suddenly, one day, he nursed, rolled over to the other side and slept off. And it has been like this ever since. I really miss the rocking and singing though.

Give the baby salt and sugar, else he won't like and neither eat regular food ever.
I gave absolutely no salt or sugar to my son till he was 1. There are enough research and studies that show how harmful these two things are. Hence, the lesser, the better. Now, though he eats the regular food that we eat, but if something is cooked for him separately, it's still without the two. He enjoys his food that way and eats what he's offered if he likes it or is hungry. And for those fretting about him getting less sodium etc, he gets it in natural form from various other foods, fruits and veggies, and of course, breastmilk.

Why don't you give the bottle?
Simple, because he likes having in his cup. And I'm proud of it.

Give cow milk. Breastmilk isn't enough!
It is, says WHO :)

Leave the child with someone else. They'll get used to it.
Yes, I'm a possessive mother, but I'd never let my baby not enjoy all the love and attention he gets from people who love him. If he's happy and comfortable with someone, and safe, I'll not think twice leaving him with them. That being said, I'll not force my kid to be with someone just so they get used to the idea. If he isn't happy, he wouldn't be forced to do it. 

It's okay if strangers want to hold him.
Really? Sorry, I don't think it's even worth answering why not.

It's okay to give junk food.
Junk is NOT OKAY. Period.

I've had someone offer my son Haldiram Punjabi Tadka Namkeen (very spicy) when he was 10 months. I turned around just in time and literally shrieked. And since then, never left my son alone with that person. Case of lost trust. For ever!

Again, extensive reading and research came to my aid and always does. Today, I am regarded as one of those stubborn mothers who doesn't listen or adhere to time and tested things (read as myths). And do I regret it? No. For the sole reason that I know 'what' I'm doing and am a part of strong networks of mothers who know their thing.

The most important thing I've learned is to trust my instincts and that no one knows my baby better than me. Because I'm the mother.

Be back soon.

Till then, take care and stay precious :)

The First Birthday Celebrations!

Where does time fly?

It seems like it was only yesterday when I was wheeled into the labour room. At the time, it was just the pains that clouded my thoughts and nothing else. The following morning, I was holding a little cherub, as I felt my heart melting away.

Fast forward to now....

Prabir has completed 1 year. Already!! There I was, planning and re planning the kind of celebration I would have. And lo and behold, it's come and gone so soon!

I believe in making memories, and wanted to make a huge one for my little man. Of course, there's the thing about babies not enjoying their birthday celebration and not remembering it either way. While I agree to this to an extent, the enjoying part can be managed, if it's planned according to your baby and not the parents or the guests.

While planning the entire event, a few things that were important for me were:

• Prabir's sleep or meals aren't disrupted. 
• Everyone gets to enjoy, adults included. 
• It shouldn't be just another birthday party where you cut the cake, give a gift, have food and that's it. 
• Relatives traveling to be with us get to see the city closely and taste the local food too. 
• Every moment is captured for Prabir to look at and smile later.

The first came the card and it had to be special. As we celebrated every month, I compiled the pictures of all the cakes he had cut through the year. So, with all the little ones he cut every month, it was now time to cut the Big 1!!

The birthday was on a Monday and his near and dear ones were more than excited to be with him for his big day, so much so that many of them flew in from different cities for the celebration. So yes, the onus was on us to make their trip memorable and fun.

With relatives arriving before or on Sunday, we planned a 2-day celebration.

The fun started on Sunday morning with a special Ganga cruise. With the weather favoring us, it was real fun cruising on the Ganges, with family for company, snacks for nibbling and lots of candid clicks.

Following this was lunch by the riverside. The restaurant had an open space which we'd booked in advance, making it a private and sunny affair.

Post this, everyone returned and took some well needed rest. Prabir too was home in time for his nap.

In the evening, there was a small get together with local delicacies like litti-chokha, chhole-bhature and mutton curry and rice.

The next day was the big one, with everyone up to wish the birthday boy the moment he woke. Prabir decided to sleep in a little more, while everyone waited. In the meantime, his room was filled with balloons and gifts. So, the moment he woke up, he had this big grin on his face, and darted towards his gifts.

The birthday party was kept in the afternoon as it's at that time when Prabir is most active and playful. We didn't choose any theme for the event as our little boy will have enough to pick from as he grows. Balloons were colorful and the cake was a classic two tier blue butterscotch with cream pandas on the top.

The only thing that I hadn't really thought about was Prabir's dress. While I wanted it casual and chic, I wanted him to stand out too and the party dresses for boys available in the market were just not great. Every store had millions of choices for girls, but for little boys, there were barely a few, if any. We settled for denim pants with a multicolor sweater and a red Nehru Jacket to complete the look.

There were games for both adults as well as the kids, musical chair, spoon and lemon race and paper dance. What fun it was to see Prabir's aunts and uncles running, while Prabir clapped and rocked to the music.

The highlight of the party was a video I compiled with all the firsts, like when he first babbled, first crawled etc.

The return gifts were personalised too. The kids got caps with their name on it. For the adults, there were framed pictures of them with Prabir, ethnic dupattas etc. We also got chocolate bars with 'Thank You' written on them for every kid.

With the event over by 4pm, we were home soon enough for the kid to catch up with his siesta. So, all in all, no cranky baby and just perfect birthday celebrations!

The success of it all would be when my son smiles every time he sees the pictures and videos of his first birthday. That moment is still far fetched, but would make everything worth the effort ☺

Things My Son has Taught Me

The last few months have been stressful, to say the least. Life has taken an unwanted, though expected, turn, the effects of which might never go away.

Amidst all this, if there's anything that has kept me going, it is my son. The tiny, naughty, playful little angel who keeps my world so beautiful and full of sunshine. And when I look at him, there's so much that he's taught me all along.

Smile - Smile, no matter how bad or blue the world around is. It's amazing how easily a little child can crack into a smile instantly. While there isn't much that you can do to change situations or people, you can change your perspective and mood. And all that starts with a little smile.

Never give up - A baby learns things, little by little and by never giving up. Yes, there are moments of frustration and anger too, but he keeps struggling until he has mastered the art, be it rolling and flipping, sitting up, crawling, standing or walking. The sad thing is that as we grow, we lose our perseverance and start giving up way too easily. Looking at my son these days trying to stand and walk is a delight, and a reminder that patience and perseverance always pay.

Sing, like no one is listening - And lots of singing we, mother and son, do. No longer do I care whether my voice cracks up at a high pitch or the fact that I am only mumbling the lyrics I barely know. We sing and have our own fun, all the time!

Forgive & forget - Who says a mother never makes mistakes? Of course, she does. Or for that matter, anyone else who's with the baby. But the baby never remembers and the next moment, it's all about love and hugs for him or her. While we adults keep way too many grudges and, in the process, lose out on valuable time and beautiful relationships.

Live and love the moment - It's all about this particular moment for my son now. If he wants to sleep, he'll sleep and if he's hungry, he'll want to be fed. There's no planning anywhere. So, even if it's 3 am in the morning and he decides to play a while, he'll play. When he grows up, he too will get caught in the maze called life and fret and worry like we do.

Take it easy - The house is a mess, the dried laundry needs to be put away, sleep is now a luxury and I haven't done my eyebrows for over 2 months now. But every moment with my child allows me to sit back and truly enjoy 'the' moment. The colorful stacking rings and the tumblers are more important now than coordinating my dress with the right footwear. All because my child loves playing with these and I'd crawl under the bed in an expensive dress to fetch the one that rolls in there. And despite all the mess and my imperfections, my child loves me nonetheless. While I bask in the moment, I let go of things that can be put off for the next day, just to be with my child. Does the next day come? Who cares. .. as long as I get every moment of my little one's childhood.

Childhood is absolutely amazing, but seeing your child grow is an eye opener. Yes, life teaches, but your child is the greatest teacher. As you become a parent, not only do you look at life differently, but also learn so many things about yourself that you've never known. You are the strongest and the most vulnerable with your child.

Every moment with my son is a treasure and everything else can wait. And my son inspires me to be a better human being, little by little, every day :)

Will be back with more. Till then, take care and stay precious :)

Hear.... but Do Not Listen!

Hear everybody out, but do not listen. This has probably been one of the best advices I got after giving birth. 

During and after pregnancy, you're hoarded with so many do's and don't's that you either get thoroughly confused or blindly follow each and every thing told to you. I went and am still going through the same phase. The worst is when these come from those who you thought would know better.

• Don't eat brinjals, else your baby will be dark. Really? The fact is that brinjal is heavy to digest and may cause acidity. However,  the baby's complexion is purely genetic and has nothing to do with brinjal! 
  
  
• Have milk with saffron to ensure that the baby is fair. Again!  To something like this, I'd say that we should even start applying Fair n Lovely on the baby bump!!
  
  
• Eat for two as you need the extra calories for another person growing within you. The fact is that you need to eat just about 250-300 extra calories, so an extra chapati in lunch and a sandwich in the evening would suffice. Eating for two would only leave you with too much of the extra weight you would find difficult to get rid of.
  
  
• Acidity or heartburn is due to the baby's (in the womb) growing hair! Now, how is that possible? In fact, acidity is a common problem during pregnancy.
  
  
• Rest as much as possible and do not exercise. Well, while excessive exercise and heavy weightlifting is an absolute no, regular walk and exercise is important for a healthy pregnancy.
  
  
• Eating ghee and butter would help in normal delivery. This happens through muscle contractions and the ghee and butter do absolutely nothing to smoothen the baby's track (if that is the logic)! It will only give you extra kilos you would find difficult to shed later.
  
  
• Watching an eclipse is bad for the baby. When my father first got the news, the first thing he called to tell me was that there was an eclipse on August 25 around midnight and I shouldn't be out then. An eclipse is said to harm the baby and cause a deformity. Well, I surely wasn't loitering around at midnight then; however, a baby is well protected in the mother's womb to be harmed by an eclipse.
  
  
• Itching the baby bump would cause stretch marks. As the skin stretches, some of us experience itching; however, it is not related to stretch marks in any way. Unless you are one of the lucky few, you will have the tiger marks during and after birth. While some oils and creams are said to reduce them, there's no way to prevent them completely.
  
  
• The day you conceive determines the sex of the child. If so, then whatever happened to the X and Y thing we learned in school!
  
  
• If the fetal heart rate is slow, it's a boy, else a girl. To be honest, I always heard horses racing during the visits to the doc and I have a baby boy :)

• You will not have enough milk as you don't drink as much milk! Now, how is this even related? A cow eats grass (and all sorts of junk), right?
  
  
• As the baby starts speaking, your hair fall will increase. Hair fall post the baby's birth is due to the hormone withdrawal that takes place then. Guess, this myth came into being as it's at the same time when a baby starts babbling too.
  
  
• You and the baby should not go out for the first 40 days after birth. Well, even I have been confined in the house during this period. There's only so much you can do to fight off such myths. In other countries, though, babies as old as a couple of weeks even go grocery shopping. However, this myth does give you time to regain strength and allow the child to adjust to the world outside, while keeping you both away from infections.
  
  
• Avoid working on the computer or reading after giving birth as that weakens the eye. I have not taken a day's break from work since delivery and haven't had my eyes checked since either :)

These were a few that I could rattle off without much thinking. That's as much you can expect from a sleep-deprived mother :)

Go on and add those you may have heard (or even suffered) :)

Will be back soon. Till then, take care and stay precious :)

What YOU 'd Need as a New Maa :)

(Image: Google)

With your expected delivery date (EDD) close, you're sure to be bombarded with the list of things you need to buy for the coming baby. Even various stores and shops will hand you a list of essentials, which of course is their way of telling you that they have everything available. As for you, from wraps to diapers, you'll cross check it all every day to ensure that you have everything set.

As my EDD approached, I, too, was all set with the hospital bag and everything else. And I believed that was all that was required. However, during the first few days after returning from the hospital, there were so many things I wished I had bought earlier. The fact is that no one tells expecting moms what are those things that we, as a new Maa, would need. I was lucky to have my younger sister to help me get the stuff I needed.

So, here are a few things that I felt I should have added to my list while I was preparing for my new role.

• Front open tops and shirts, especially if you plan to breastfeed your baby.
  
  
• Comfortable lowers or track pants that would be easy to put on. These are important if you've had a cesarean delivery.
  
  
• Nursing lingerie, and ensure you have at least 4 of them. Also, you might want to buy a nursing cover that may come handy some time. 
  
  
• Breast pads - you'd need them whenever you go out, even if that's a short doc visit.
  
  
• Buy/keep clothes that you can wear post delivery. You wouldn't want to be fretting out then for having nothing suitable to wear when you need to step out of your home, even if the trip is for getting your child shots.
  
  
• Invest in comfortable nightwear. If you'll be breastfeeding, they should either have a zipper at the front or you can buy the nursing ones available. If your EDD is sometime in the colder months, consider buying night suits (rather than gowns or nighties) as they are warmer and more comfortable.
  
  
• Keep a good stock of your toiletries, like shampoo, conditioner etc. You might not be able to venture out for a few weeks. Though home delivery is always an option, if you use a specific brand, make sure you have extra bottles with you.
  
  
• If there's a tradition in your family to have a small ceremony in the first week after the baby's arrival, you might want to keep a suitable dress ready as you may not be able/allowed to go shopping then.
  
  
• Buy a good flask that keeps water warm/hot for a considerable period. This will be especially handy during the night, saving you multiple trips to the kitchen. Even if you are exclusively breastfeeding and do not need the water for formula, you'd need it for wiping during diaper changes through the night. Milton is a brand I swear by. 
  
  
• Your room should also be ready for the baby. You'd need a table or a rack to keep diaper supplies close at hand. My husband got one with wheels and four shelves, which made it easy to pull it closer, when required; while the shelves are handy to keep other things like hand towels, extra clothing for the baby, medicines etc.
  
  
• Get a night lamp, if you don't have one. Also, you might want an extension to the main light close to the bed. 
  
  
• Decide on the baby's bed, almirah, etc beforehand, even if you don't want to buy one before the baby arrives. Hand over the design and other details to your husband or other family members. This way, you can focus on the new baby, while those things are taken care of as per your need/desire.
  
  
• Last, but most important! Get a haircut, manicure, pedicure etc. You never know when you'll be able to go to your parlor next. I had to wait 5 months for a haircut! And manicure/pedicure.... What's that???

These were a few things that I missed out on, and, gradually, got them sorted. With you being on your toes constantly in your new role, there will be lesser time to focus on yourself. My next post would be about how I scrape out some time for... 'Myself'!

Till then, take care and stay precious :)